Chuck Norris Facts

[Marijuanderful]

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.

Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It
failed miserably.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern
Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being
bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred
vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly
kicked through a car windshield.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn
needs to lie down.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... suicide.

The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on
games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)

While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.

Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.

When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.

Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.

The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.

Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because "The Sum of All Fears" is the name of Chuck Norris' autobiography.

Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.

Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. He then cried himself to sleep.

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Marijuanderful Reviewed by Marijuanderful on 04-21-2006. Chuck Norris Facts In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself. Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill. Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls. Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Rating: 5

[benagain]

LMAO. ok don't know where you found this at. "On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun." = funny.

[MaryJaneintheCloset]

I do not like Chuck Norris.
Not in a car or on a horse.

[mulltie]

www.chucknorrisfacts.com

[Cooler Then Jesus]

Chuck Norris`s tears cure all cancer, too bad he never cries.

[Euphoric]

hahaha

[ilovebecky]

If Chuck Norris is ever late, Time better slow the fuck down!

[Sauce]

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Seems like they have a new one everyday

[Its a Plant]

this thread's pretty lame, I've seen this so many times now. It's everywhere. It was funny the first time, however.

But I think it really made me less a fan of Chuck Norris.

[Looker]

I think I read somewhere in a newspaper about Chuck Norris...

"He's sweet ....his sweat is sweet..his asshole tastes like apple cider...."