i know what your saying man, and im almost in the exact same place as you, but what you've gotta do is find a girl who isnt like most of the girls out there today, and go from there. also if you want to learn more about yourself, expiriment with psychedelic drugs, trust me, as a very expiriences psychonaught i can tell you that you will learn things about yourself you have never known. Not that this has anything to do with this but last weekend i took a large dose of shrooms at a friends house, i always thought i was afraid of spiders but i was playing with his taranchela.