A friend of mine told me to focus on one thing and keep it in mind. The world is going to fuck with you regardless, but you have to maintain. It's not me to be a prisoner of my thoughts, but as of recently I've been feeding the negative energy. I understand my friends and what they're trying to do. Even if they're fucking with me, it's just that...I can't imagine they enjoy any part of it, especially having me aside them freaking out. I keep the thoughts bottled up, trying to make sense of it. The demons seem to seek me in sobriety too.

I have a choice to make:

1. Escape and leave my sorrow for another time.
2. Embrace the high and enjoy it.

The choice should be obvious, right? Perhaps narrowing it down to a simple question would help in times of suspicion, distrust, and fear? I don't want to suffer anymore or create suffering for anyone else. I want to be able to hang out with my friends and get stoned and enjoy it like I used to.

A person calling themself your friend wouldn't hang out with you all day long unless they were actually your friend, right? So why do I insist on thinking that I'm just there for humiliation? Why does the world have to glare it's shameful eye upon me? Why do I have to look at myself through this eye? For too long have I considered dropping my friends and moving on. For too long have I come running back realizing my fault. And for too long have I not caught on. I'm not going to quit and runaway. The world has a cruel way of re-embedding the problems you escape and not confront. I have to deal with this now or it'll be my demise.

The source is my mind. The cure is my concious.
I can't thank you all enough for your input. It's not your problem, but you insist on helping. In my book that makes you all friend. Input is encouraged and appreciated here. Thank you all.