Hi, I'm new to these boards.

[friendowl]

maybe cuz dad only hugs him when he's in trouble.
most parents only pay close attention when there teens are
already in trouble.
we need to hear more from dad[polaris]
do you and your kid get along
what do you do for father/son activities
do you know what your kid likes and dislikes

[Polaris]

Thanks for all your replies.

I've tried the coming down hard routine with him before, all it did was cause friction, arguments and resentment.

I have talked to him at length about the reasons why he smokes it. From what I can gather it's because all his mates do and he enjoys doing it.

Short of locking him in his room for 24hrs there doesn't seem much I can do about it, but try to keep the lines of communication open and hope he's sensible and responsible about it. (Now he's been caught red-handed and suffered the consequences, he might just come to his senses.)

By the way I'm his Mother not his Father.

[friendowl]

well moms
it could be worse
what are your views on marijuana

[Fengzi]

Damn Del, a bit harsh aren't ya? That's cool, just trying to get your point across.

Anyhow, I've been smoking for 23 years, since I was 13yo. Since I started smoking I've earned two bachelor's degrees (graduating with honors), learned a new language, and am now a professional in the semiconductor industry. Any of the kids on this board would take one look at me and figure I'm some straight, tight-ass adult. No one would look at me and think I smoke weed.

Quite a few of my friends from school, whom I used to smoke with, have also become quite successful. Some have failed miserably in life but that didn't surpise any of us. The bottom line is that if a person has what it takes to be successful, it will happen whether or not they smoke. If they don't have what it takes, simply not smoking is not going to make it happen.

I'm also a parent and can understand your point of view. Fortunately, my little one is only 2 years old right now, so my big issue is potty training, not whether or not she smokes. My suggestion to you is not to forbid your son from using marijuana. It won't work. He'll still use it and the deceit/ anger that results will drive a wedge between you. Instead, just talk to him about your concerns. If you don't approve, let him know, but also let him know you aren't going to forbid him from using it. Like others have already mentioned, compromise and tell him you don't mind if he does it on weekends but during the week you want him to focus on school. Hopefully he'll realize your trying to work with him and go along with the plan.

[Kryzco]

In my personal opinion

if he's not doing his work, then he should not be smoking

He needs to have priorities

and if he's solely doing it because his friends do it

then maybe he shouldn't be doing it

Then again you know boys will be boys

You are going to have to lay down the law on him, and of course there will be hostility as there is with all teenagers

Just have a heart to heart conversation, talk to him like a friend and let him know that his education is important, and there will be other times to smoke, but he needs to get back on the right track

In my opinion, Mrdevious said it best

Always use a recreational drug responsibly

If you can't do that, then you shouldn't use it in the first place

[Polaris]

I tried it in my youth, but didn't like the way it made me feel, and haven't touched it since.

A couple of my friends smoke it recreationally. I feel that as long as it's used sensibly and responsibly then it's no worse than drinking socially.

In fact in some ways it's better than drinking socially because you never see a bunch of stoned people rampaging around the streets after closing time causing trouble.

I suppose my main concern that it's illegal and I don't want my son to have criminal record (which he managed to escape 'this' time) and be constanly in trouble with the law.

[del...]

mom...my bad.

if he's that far out of line and he respects you so little that he'll disregard everything you say then he probably needs outside help to realign his path. he's already shown his responsibilty level and is showing his lack of respect for you by continuing with the same behavior that got him in trouble in the first place...he needs to realize this can affect his future, immediate and the not-so-distant. have you talked with the school guidance office? they can probably give you a lot better advice than we can and are much closer to the situation.

[graph]

Kick your son's ass. I smoke cannabis and go to college, and try really hard. I just know where my priorities are.

In my opinion, I think a lot of kids like your son give cannabis a bad name. He's a bad kid, not because he's smoking, but because he can't smoke AND control his school. People like your son are the reason why people like you don't get all the necessary facts about cannabis.

Now, let's say for a moment he wasn't smoking, he was doing something perfectly legal for his age. Let's say he loved to go to the movies. Now, if he was to start skipping school to start going to the movies would you keep letting him go on his free time? If you did, I don't think you would be a very good parent.

Crack down on your kid. If he thinks he's mature enough to be smoking, he should be getting straight A's in school.

[del...]

now that wouldn't be a bad way of going about it...issue him a challenge and let him toke a bit only AFTER he maintains a b average...? but still he is young and needs to realize there are places and times for it...but that should happen with that b average.

[Polaris]

Del. I'm seeing the head teacher at his school tomorrow with regards to outside assistance and his future at the school.

As I said before he's not a bad lad. There are a lot of other kids in his year that are worse.

I have not been complacent about this. I've sought advice from various bodies and his school. But they seemed to think that it wasn't a big problem because he was still attendeding school and keeping out of trouble....untill now.

I expect I will be inundated with offers of help now it's gone this far, something I wanted from the outset.