Ok, i know your taking the piss turtle, but im gunner answer your questions... Im so fucked im bothering lol... enjoy.


What does MH stand for? Metal Halide.
What does HPS stand for? High Pressure Sodium.
Which is for what? MH=Vegging. HPS=Flowering.
Can I flower with MH? Yes, but not very well, plants need the red spectrum.
What does 12/12 mean? 12 hours light, 12 dark
Can I grow hydro in soil? No, point of hydro is to get rid of soil.
What's a CFL? Compact Flouresant.
What does "CFM" mean?
How can I germinate? Put your seed in a wet paper towel, keep warm.
How do I clone? Take cuttings.
What does a male look like? It has balls like me.
Can I smoke males? Yes, but not bud, however you can make bubble hash.
Which are the best nutrients?
What does pH stand for? How acidic/alkaline your soil/water is.
Why did my MH explode in my HPS ballast? MH need MH ballast.
How do I build a cool tube?
Will the plants smell? Yes
Can I smoke the leaves of my 2week old plant? Yes, but it will have no effect/
HOW MUCH WILL I HARVEST? Depends on growing conditions.
Can I grow under a skateboard? Well, i'll give it ago and get back to you!
Can I grow inside a 1gallon paint can? You can start your plants off, yes as long as theres no paint in it.
What's SCRoG? Screen Of Green
What's LST? Low-Stress-Training. You tie the plant down to make many growing tips.
What's topping? Topping... you gave yourself the answer
Who's FIM?
Why are they curling? You'd need details of grow.
Does Mylar really work? Yes, although i'd prefer to just paint the walls white.
How long does it take to flower? Most strains take 8 weeks, some sativas take longer. Ruderalis are auto flowering.
What's the best humidity %?
HOW MUCH WILL I HARVEST? You already asked.
What's an air pump? A pump tp pump air.
What's an air stone?
Can I piss on my plants? Yes, many people swear by it, but i dont wanna smoke my piss.
How can I use CO2? Put it in your grow room and it'll increase the ppm
Why doesn't anybody reply? I am goddamn you.
Does music affect plant growth? Well, I'm not sure, i talk to my plants, but thats not music.
Can I grow under my bed? If you have a very big bed yes, otherwise no, too short.
Why 18/6? This is the vegging cycle. 18 hours light, 6 dark, prevents flowering.
How many lumens/sq.ft.?
What's a watt? The amount of power drawn from the mains.
Does CO2 kill? Well only if that's all your breathing, although its not good for you in high doses.
Why doesn't anybody reply to my 13 new threads? Well im replying to this one arnt i?
ZANDOR! HELP! Q's?
Can I use Miracle Grow? Yes, but its known to be SHIT.
What's the best pot size? 5-10 gallon.
How do I order seeds? From a site, or go to a head shop.
Anybody ordered from Osama-seeds? Nope
Anybody use their credit cards? Nope
Can I smoke the males? I've already said yes, but only the leaves, not bud, because males dont produce bud.
What does a male look like? It has balls, not hairs like the female.
Can I drink bong waters? Yeah... Go try it. You'll soon see why no on else does.
What's "ppm"? Parts Per Million. Used when talking about Co2 enrichment.
What does "gpm" mean?
Will it smell? Yes
How many pounds will I get? I work in grams and ounces.
What's DWC?
What's an aerocloner?
What's a bubbler? Small water pipe.
What's Rubbermaid?
What nutrients do I use? Ones that dont kill plants.
How can I fix my dog's chewing-mess?
Can I grow with a Halogen? No, it has not got the right lumen output or spectrum.
Can light hit the roots? Yes, but its NEVER a good idea to do it on purpose for long times.
What strain would you pick? K2 without a doubt... And I'd grow hundreds of plants.
Can I grow inside a shoe? Yes. Although you'd have to transplant.
Can I use batteries to power my lights? Well, if you think it would work, go for it lol!!!!
Why do I hate the SEARCH function? ME? No idea.


Well i hope your happy, i answered most of them. I feel like a man now