Just thinking (typing) aloud

[maryjanemama]

I'm stoned, my mind is racing, I'm anxious about turning 30. I'm not worried about growing older... I'm worried about losing touch, I'm concerned about forgetting what it's like to be young. Anyway, enough yackety-yack about that. But thinking about aging has made me realize something that we all do, only it seems more prevalent in older people, and that's shutting ourselves off...especially if we've been hurt. Everyone has their own reason for doing it.


I think, at some point, for our own sanity, we all need to disconnect from the world, from love...sometimes from all feelings. To heal ourselves, to regroup, to recoop, to find ourselves again. To be well enough to live fully...to want to live.


The problem lies in knowing when to open back up. It is a challenge to turn ourselves back on. Some people close their door and never open it again. Shutting ourselves off forever is the danger.

maryjanemama Reviewed by maryjanemama on 08-29-2004. Just thinking (typing) aloud I'm stoned, my mind is racing, I'm anxious about turning 30. I'm not worried about growing older... I'm worried about losing touch, I'm concerned about forgetting what it's like to be young. Anyway, enough yackety-yack about that. But thinking about aging has made me realize something that we all do, only it seems more prevalent in older people, and that's shutting ourselves off...especially if we've been hurt. Everyone has their own reason for doing it. I think, at some point, for our Rating: 5

[GHoSToKeR]

wow

[Ammie]

yeah i know what u mean i had myself shut off for awhile after my marriage fell apart never tought i could trust again or love again but ive opened myself back up and only hope the person i opened up dont do me worng i cant take that again its to hard to go thru well anywho........... back to chat

[Kronik Bagz]

i feel as long as im unhappy, i can never be built up again to be hurt very badly again by everything shitty. i guess u can look at what i sad as pecimist or optimist, but i think its just the easier way to go through life, ya know.

[maryjanemama]

wow

Yikes! Sorry about my pointless rant...it all made sense in my head.

[GHoSToKeR]

Yikes! Sorry about my pointless rant...it all made sense in my head.

no need to apologize, it made perfect sense, i was impressed by how much sense it made, if that makes sense lol

[Stooj]

People wonder why our society is obsessed with actors. Here is my answer. Actors are paid to stay open. They're some of the healthiest people on earth, no matter how strange, because they get to feel all of the emotions and interact with people in ways that we cannot in our 'efficient consumptive' society because it is inconveniant. Their job is to tune in while ours has to be to tune off in order to be socially acceptable. We work our 9 to 5s and come home to watch them really live.

No wonder we're the prozac nation. Everyone else in the world is laughing at us.

[maryjanemama]

I think that we all have our own defenses that we use when we need to. Personally, when I am hurt, pissed off, or sad I immediatley go into hiding. I don't want to deal with anyone, most of all, I don't want to care for or love anyone. I think it's healthy to a certain point, but I am a mom and a wife, so I can't be selfish and retreat, I have a family to care for. So, sometimes other self destructive habits I have come to the surface. I know when it's time to handle a situation and move on by what I am doing in life...am I only eating once a day or not at all? Am I working out 4, 5 times a day? If the answer is yes, then I know something is wrong.

It would be nice if I could could stop shutting off and deal, but sometimes that just isn't possible. Maybe I'm just crazy, it would be nice to hear how other ppl handle life.

Stooj, I think you're totally right, we've become an over medicated society with an obsession with Hollywood and fake lives on TV. When did we start relying on entertainment and such to deal with our lives?

[SativaTrip]

Hey MJ Mama "what are you runnin from...." "creating walls to call your own.., so no one catches you ? drifting off and doing all the thing.. that we.. all do...........let them wash away...all those yesterdays......"

Juding from your song quotes you know that is Pearl Jam -"All Those Yesterdays"

I really believe that there is a peace within all of us we sometimes can't hear. Because silence is what we are listening for, we can't hear our own voice , so we forget what our own true voice sounds like.
Peace

[maryjanemama]

Hey MJ Mama "what are you runnin from...." "creating walls to call your own.., so no one catches you ? drifting off and doing all the thing.. that we.. all do...........let them wash away...all those yesterdays......"

Juding from your song quotes you know that is Pearl Jam -"All Those Yesterdays
Peace

Ok, that song was just playing about 2 minutes before I read this and I am completely freaked out right now. I feel like you just took off the top of my head and looked into my brain. Hmmmm... I know what you're saying and you're right and I will try to shut up and listen more closely. You're 100% right, actually.