What should i do (Big problem)

[psychocat]

there not for you anyhow's so what's the big deal

I think what the poster is trying to say is that it won't work with all girls ,besides flowers are pretty lame for the size of fuck up we are talking about here.

[daima]

So after a week of spring break back in my home town I return to my college town to settle down and get prepared to go back to school. My girlfriend calls me up and says she has made dinner reservations and she would pick me up at 5. So she comes and picks me up at 5, but instead of going to dinner she tricks me into going babysitting with her. So we arrive at the person we are babysitting for (which I didnâ??t like because I was high at the time not knowing we were going babysitting and I get anti social when I am high around strangers) so I just started playing with the kids instead of introducing myself and talking with the parents, which is fine I guess. So they leave and my gf (Katie) makes them Mac & cheese which was actually pretty dam good and after that we all sat down to watch â??Robotsâ?� so about 8 at night the kids are getting sleepy so we put them to bed and read them sum stories and shit all goes well and they fall asleep. Now I hadnâ??t seen my girl in over a week and the parents were not guna be home tell bar time (3:30 ish) so I was guna try and put the moves onâ?¦.but she falls asleep. So I am sitting there bored as fuck. So I decided to snoop around, im a junkie and I have a problem but I donâ??t have time to get help I am busy with school and I love my girl friend to much to check myself in. I mean it gets so bad I canâ??t even control myself from taking other ppls stuff. So I start going threw there house not finding anything to interesting tell I get into the bathroom (I love pills) and found a bottle of tylonal 3 with codien, Percasets, Vicodin, and something I have always wanted to try but could never get a hold of Oxycotten. So now I am all excited and I pocket them quickly not even thinking twice. I go and sit back down and watch my girl sleep until about 3 when the parents arrive back home. We say are good bys and my gf gets paid and we leave. About half way home we get a phone call from the people we babysat for demanding we come back, but for no apparent reason (Tho I put 2 and 2 together and started freaking out) I couldnâ??t ditch the pills because im an addict tho I was sure thatâ??s why she was having us come back, and even if I had it in me to ditch them my gf knows nothing about me doing drugs and is against them at all costs. So we arrive back at there house and she asks us to empty our pockets (I had the pills in my coat pocket which I left in the car) so I emptied my pockets and they asked Katie if she had stolen there prescription drugs and the parents were getting angry and questioning her hardcore and then they did the same to me. I couldnâ??t take it anymore so I told the father to come with me I wanted to talk to him so I brought him outside and took the pills out of my coat pocket and handed them to him and at that very second he punches me right across the face and grabs my shirt and says get your ass back in the house and give these to my wife. Now if I wanted to I could have beat the fuck out of that man but I just didnâ??t have it in me at that very moment I was not worried about giving the pills to his wife but giving the pills to his wife and having my gf that I love with every inch of my hart see me hand the pills to her so I begged and pleaded with the man telling him how sorry I was, but still he insisted that I return the pills to his wife while my gf stands and watchs. I did have the balls to do this because I no it would be over with my gf. So I took off running, now they live in bumfuck nowhere in sum bluffs and im not familiar with this town yet so I just start runningâ?¦running from my problems like I always end up doing. Just as I get reception on my cell phone it goes dead (now if thatâ??s not a message from god saying â??Fuck you, you walk your ass 20 miles to your fuckin house you gutless son of a bitchâ?�). I can tell tho my gf is searching the roads for me tho because a red car just like hers keeps going around in circles but every time I see it I just hide in the woods cause I donâ??t want our relationship to be over. So I walk my ass back to my house in 10 degree weather, took 4 hours to walk to my houseâ?¦. And the whole way home there was a steady trickle of tears running down my face, not because I stole pills from someone that has cancer or anything like that but because I know its over with my girlfriend. So when I get to my house I plug my phone in to charge thinking my gf has called my phone 8 billion times wondering where I am and whatâ??s going onâ?¦but nothing no calls, that broke my heart the most. I havnâ??t been able to get the courage to call her and ask her to forgive me. Now I know I have a problem and it sucks because its so dam hard to fix but I am a starting to think I am a pathological liar and a thief. I love my girlfriend and I want to spend every minute with her and I know she feels the same way and I know she would walk threw fire to get me but I just cant do it I cant keep putting her threw my fuckups my bullshit my drama.

I donâ??t know why I am writing this but I just have to get it out and ask for advice on what I should do. Plz donâ??t flame only reasonable advice plz.

Shame and the worries of being humiliated, along with being exposed, stops many people from seeking help/advice. It takes a lot of courage to stand up and say to those you hurt and love, "i fucked up". You will be able to turn things a round once you confront your fears. Trust me.
If you were my kid that first thing you would get from me is a hug and support. Once you have calmed down and realise that those who love you wont desert you, you will get better. It might not happen the first time, or the second time, but with a good honest effort on your part, and the willingness to trust those closest to you, it will happen. Dont expect a miracle over-night. I imagine that it took you a while to become an addict, and i am even more sure that it will take a while to get a handle on your addiction. I would also leave the church out of it. They seem way tooooooooooo judgemental for my taste. Seek people who have gone through what you are going through, and ask for advice/help/guidance.
It looks as though you have some support here in the forum and i commend you for allowing us to give you input. This might not seem like a huge step on your part, but it is. Now, how do we keep you moving towards that which you seek? Communication? Openess? Trust? :thumbsup: You arent the only addict that is in need of help, although i'm sure for you it feels like it. Keep talking. Find those who you feel you can trust and let them know whats going on. You are worth every breath you take.

dai*ma
The war on drugs have left addicts feeling like they cant come clean. What a shame.

[Reefer Rogue]

Would this of happened if you only smoked Weed? Nah, I didn't think so.

[UNDYINGIMAGE]

Fight the addiction,hard as it is.Let the girl go.

[friendowl]

live and learn
they'll get over it
you shouldnt have let that man hit you
you admitted to fucking up.
you should have beat his ass.

[Terps]

So, yesterday night I went back to the families house, the wife answered the door and I asked if I could come in and talk, right away she slammed the door on my face. So I started to walk back to my car all bummed out cause I thought this would be a good first step to getting my life turned around. Seconds later the husband came running out of the house and asked me if I would come in and talk to him, he apologized for his wifeâ??s actions and we proceeded inside.

once inside I made it clear to him that I was sorry and then out of no where I wasnâ??t even thinking about it at all its like words were just spewing out of my mouth I said "Thank you" they both turned and looked at me with sort of a pissed off look on there face and replied "Thank you for what?" I said "Thank you for showing me how big of a problem I have and showing me how rapped up in this game I am" immediately the wife started crying and gave me a hug, I also saw the husband choking on his tears I asked if we could sit down and talk some more, so we did.

when we sat down I told them over and over again that my girlfriend had absolutely nothing to do with this and that it was 100% my fault. I told them that as of Monday I am checking myself into an out patient drug therapy program at the local hospital (She gave me sum handouts on it and a few peoples phone numbers cause she works there herself) and I told them what I plan to do with my life in the feature. They both started to tear up again.

As I walked out the door both of them said at the same time, "If you have any problems or just want to talk about whets going on in your life stop back here any time, youâ??re always welcome in our doors. We also want to see you in a few months so we can see how rehab is going for you"

So I drove home feeling bigger and stronger already...Tell I got to my door to read this note...

[align=center]OVER

You crushed me
You broke up in two
Pieces will separate
The pain is deep
I cry over you, you pathetic man
You deserve a ratâ??s life
You crushed our life, my life, her life
You crushed my everything
What the fuck is wrong with you
What were you thinking?
I was betrayed, hurt, used
You used me. You dirty piece of shit
You USED me, over and over again
Time and time again, you took advantage of me
The situations
You crushed me emotionally
It will take a long, bitter long time before I trust again
No more love, no more sex, no more me
A clean break, of open wound
You fucker, look at what you lost
Never again will you have me, never
NEVER
I wonâ??t look back, I wonâ??t
So you listen closely
You crushed me, but Iâ??ll crush you fuckin hard back[/align]

This brought tears to my eyes not because itâ??s "Over" but because I see just how much I hurt her and how much she cared for me.

So I wrote her a poem back...

[align=center]I made a mistake, that's about all I know.
But my sorrow right now I wish to show.
I do not know exactly how bad it is.
But you and me, I'm starting to miss.
In plains words I do not know how to say.
I only wish I could take back that day.
My sincerity right now I hope you realize.
Because I'm trying my best to apologize.[/align]

And placed it in a box with all her stuff she had left at my house, I read all the cards she made me over and over again as I placed them in a box. Looked over all the pics she had left at my house of me and her and placed them in the box. I also wrote a note that said "Heres all your stuff, it means alot to me, but did you really mean what you wrote...if so give me a call" (On every single card from the first one she ever wrote me she always put in big bold letters "I love you" )

So I took this big box of all her stuff to her house and I didnâ??t know what I was going to do with it, I still donâ??t have the balls to hand it to her and say im sorry to her face, so I placed it a little bit under her car so she would find it in the morning.

So now itâ??s Monday and I go to the hospital to see what they can do and pretty much got told if I donâ??t have health insurance, Good luck getting help from professionals. So im going to give this a hard effort to clean my act up myself.

Day 1 Sober

Now thank you for the help so far but now comes the hardest part of all...How do I show my love that I am going to change and that I am going to become a better man and that I need her by my side to get threw all of this???

[Kryzco]

first of all congrats on taking a huge step forward, and making amends with those people, its good that you have their support

as for your girl, it may take time, and you are going to have a lot of proving to do, you have to understand, she thought she knew you, and loved you, but then it turns out that you've been living a lie, and the trust is gone at the moment, she's hurt, confused, and very pissed, so take baby steps

its may take a long time, she's going to have to be convinced that your are sober and are gonna stay sober

but be realistic man, you made a huge mistake, and you may have lost her for good, sorry to break your spirit on that one, but its the truth, but don't let it stop you from getting well, freeing yourself from addiction is the best gift you can give yourself

[Kryzco]

and also I wanted to say that you have my full support and you ever feel down and out and need someone to talk to i will be here, and I'm sure the rest of us will be here as well

stay strong and good luck!

[insanity]

Man, you made a good choice on going back to the peoples house and apologizing. It's not easy to admit you have a problem, and it takes balls to admit it to someone you've hurt like that.

[daima]

first of all congrats on taking a huge step forward, and making amends with those people, its good that you have their support

as for your girl, it may take time, and you are going to have a lot of proving to do, you have to understand, she thought she knew you, and loved you, but then it turns out that you've been living a lie, and the trust is gone at the moment, she's hurt, confused, and very pissed, so take baby steps

its may take a long time, she's going to have to be convinced that your are sober and are gonna stay sober

but be realistic man, you made a huge mistake, and you may have lost her for good, sorry to break your spirit on that one, but its the truth, but don't let it stop you from getting well, freeing yourself from addiction is the best gift you can give yourself

Good post. IMO it would be a good idea for this person to worry about self. I believe thats what you are suggesting. Once you can take care of self, others will be able to see the progress. Never be in a relationship to be taken care of. My dad use to tell me..."Everything is in your life because you put it there. What you choose to do with it is up to you"
I repeat those words everytime i have to take the time and figure things out....., which being a parent/grand parent, is quite often.

420 Peace,
dai*ma:stoned: