Hey Friend,
Here in SF many of the clubs have what they call a "compassion day" every week. People with little or no income can go to different clubs on different days of the week and recieve a lil bag for free. Some need more, but the practice is still very helpful. Some clubs have members post messages on a bulletin board where you can find used lighting systems at a very good price.
I am not sure what your situation is but if you can IMO you should come out of that shell and ask for help. I know a couple of local growers here in San Francisco who grow a couple extra plants a piece so they can give it away to those in our Houseless population who are sick. Many clubs sell 1/8ths of good bud for 35-40$, whicch is still steep, but i have seen it as high as 50-65 per 1/8th on the streets. Outrageous.
I am gald that you were able to come here and vent. I do the same thing every once in a while.
I am even happier that you find relief when you use the cannabis plant. Your testimony is solid confirmation for those of us who seek nothing but the truth, and to be heard. I am glad that you have found a way to participate in society.
People cant read invisable signs and many people just arent qualified to recognize when others are yelling for help, or are in need of help. Ask. Let others know what you are going through. Ask for help. It's ok.
Peace,
dai*ma