I missed my appointment to claim Jobseekers Allowance, and Im gonna go in next week (when I havent got an appointment) and pretend that I thought it was that Tuesday, instead of the one before.

I spend money that I dont have (e.g I bought a lamp with the money that my mate is gonna give me for my pistol, but he hasnt paid me yet. Ive bought some more Lowryder seeds, saying to my parents that Im gonna pay them when I get my £ from the Jobcentre... yet I didnt actually go to claim the benefits).

I eat like a fuckin horse.

Im a fat bastard, and proud of it. You wanna mess with me? I sit on you, you scrawny assholes!

I only like skinny chicks cos fat girls are fat, and the rolls turn me off. Although I am proud of my own rolls.

I rang 'Quizmania' twenty times in a row, and still didnt get through even though I knew the answer for the £1000 question and they had to give out a hint 30 mins after I knew the answer because no-one got it right (the answer was Sushi).

I put bread and old food out on the lawn just so birds will come down and eat it. Then I can shoot them and eat them, because Ive never tried woodpigeon before and the bastards always fly off in the field I shoot at because they see my heffalump like body coming.

I dont like big boobs. I prefer smaller baps, because when your cock is between them, it makes it look bigger.
Swizzy89304 Reviewed by Swizzy89304 on . The Daily Confessional i created a thread similar to this one a while back and i really enjoyed it. POST YOUR DAILY CONFESSIONS HERE its therapeutic! ill start: my farts have been smelling unusually rank this week. i havent showered in 24 hours. my lips are chapped but i cant stop licking them. i had an ice cream bar for lunch Rating: 5