my god, you people are sick...all this talk of masturbation...don't you know its unnatural? touching yourself, that's plain gross

what I do, I just get some peanut butter and a really tiny dog (the kind that go real fast because they're so tiny, a terrier I think, they have nice small tounges) I put the peanut butter on my willy, and the dog licks it all off! easy, clean, and completely non-sinful!

plus you don't need safety goggles.