Quote Originally Posted by beachguy in thongs
Dear Fans,

Welcome to the Colbert Nation, and more generally, the Internet's World Wide Web, an interconnected system of computer networks that allows the digital transfer of data to and from remote locations, more commonly known as The Global Village.

If you arrived here by mistake, I'll save you some time: I am neither Don Colbert, purveyor of faith based medical services, nor Keary Colbert, third-string wide receiver for the NFL's Carolina Panthers. However, I am a huge fan of Don's and Keary's work, and the three of us communicate frequently via the electronic mails.

I must confess that I've never trusted the Web. I've always seen it as a coward's tool. Where does it live? How do you hold it personally responsible? Can you put a distributed network of fiber-optic cable "on notice"? And is it male or female? In other words, can I challenge it to a fight?

These troublesome questions have plagued the Internet since its inception, to say nothing of all the phreakers using their 28.8-baud modems to hack the Pentagon with their Prodigy accounts.

So, why endorse a Colbert community website? Because it's built by you, the people-or in this case Avery Gordon, an American hero who not only "gets it," but also understands that web commerce generated through use of a public personality's image must result in full compensation for that personality. (Check out the Eagle's Nest online gift shop for officially sanctioned Colbert Gear, just in time for the holidays.)

I know not all of you are fans. Some of you are here because you disagree with my no-holds-barred journalistic techniques, and my maverick stance on the issues of the day. I welcome opposing viewpoints, but I should warn you that you'll be facing off against the 2nd-place finisher at the 1981 Charleston County High-School Debate Tournament. And whatever became of that county champ who argued in favor of tractor safety modifications? Last time I checked, she didn't have her own show.

So, sit back, relax, and enjoy what I consider to be the best site on the Web. Whether you're a Republican or a Dixiecrat, you're an automatic and permanent member of the Colbert Nation: our citizenship requirements are as stringent as they are legally binding.

With the power of the Colbert Nation comes great responsibility. Is your neighbor a member? If not, why not?

Yours in truth,

Stephen Colbert
LMFAO