Thinkin about killing myself

[Wesley Pipes]

Hey man even when all seems losts...sometimes thats when you get the answers.....sometimes you dont. While school is an important part of your financial success in years to come....nobody says you have to have a diploma to be successful. I never gradutated from Penn State and I have made more money than most who have their Masters Degrees. Its about following YOUR dreams....you are only here on Earth for a short time. Im hoping you dont have a debilitation disease....or a child with cancer...if you hate school and feel overwhelmed...QUIT. You can always go back later if you feel like it. Take a break and refresh....you can always change something....but once your gone....YOUR GONE.

not a wiser word said :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

yeah man school aint that big a deal, i did crap at school, worked in a deadend job for a few years, now me and my best m8 are (still) tryin to open our own specialist comic shop, in other words, take what u do for fun and turn it into a business, create a cash flow from doin what u love, sure its never easy but the least u can do is try.
:thumbsup: :rasta: :rasta:

[NightProwler]

eh.. sometimes i feel like killing myself just to get it over with. i can be the king of depression sometimes. but seriousley man. dont kill yourself. if you give up completley,just run off into the wilderness and do whateever the fuck you want until the cops shoot you down.

when i contemplate suicide, its not me shooting myself that i immagine. i picture myself being free and happy for the last moments of my life. maybe shoot up some heroin, take some acid, and walk down maine street with a toy gun.

[buddymyfriend]

[email protected]

Drop me line, vent whatever.

Peace

Buddy

[Satan666]

Dont speak, ACT.
If its what you truly think the best, i aint gonna stop you.
You will be missed.

[Rarrr]

I am feeling quite depressed myself tonight. It's difficult to live in a phyiscal world and not succumb to human emotions but chemicals in your brain) are ultimately the reason for your depression. Yes, the situation is causing this, I have been let down by my best friend tonight and am on a comedown off X, meth and tranqs. It has made me so depressed and makes me feel there is no point in existance but once again if the chemicals in my brain instantly changed to "happiness" chemicals (seratonin, endorphins etc) I wouldnt care for these problems and would focus on what is good. There is always a balance in the brain, for all the positive there is a trade off for negative and vice versa. Its this mental bias that alters our moods and state of minds. The only answer to depression is to sit it out and wait until the balance turns in your favour.

[tadaa]

why? fuck it, that's why. I remember in high school they gave these stupid seminars on suicide telling us "people commit suicide because they want the pain to stop". well they're fucking stupid, because there's always more than one reason, and sometimes it may even be justified. I hate people who say "it's never the answer". well maybe sometimes it is, maybe the world isn't a big happy simple place where one answer fits all. And right now I realized that it may be my only choice left because I have nowhere left to go.

right now I'm in college and as it's goin, I'm not going to pass. I've been studying for hours, but no matter how hard I try it's too much and I keep falling behind. it doesn't matter what I do, I've tried and tried, but I can't do it. I'm so fucking sick of people telling me that i just need to buckle down, and it'll be hard, but I'll suceed in the end. pretty fucking words don't pass my tests, don't finish my projects, don't make me understand all the material and catch up. I can work my ass off 24 hours a day, but I'm not gonna pass.

but hey, no big deal right? I'll just drop out, get a job, finally move out, and live a little first. oh wait, nope I'm fucked there too because I'm in so much fuckin pain all the time I can't possibly work. it hurts like hell for me just to take the bus to school, 3 hours a day sitting in class is enough alone to put me in a world of pain. so obviously, I can't go out and work, because I can barely manage to go out shopping.

so hey, if I should disappear suddenly, that's why, because I can't see a fucking way out. I can't finish college, I can't work, i can't move out, and my parents will never let me just sit at home doing nothing. What the hell else do I have for options? NOTHING. there's absolutely no other course I could take that I can see. don't listen to these assholes that say "suicide is NEVER the answer", 'cause I'm living proof that it's the only answer sometimes. I'm not saying I'll pop myself off today, 'cause I'm not, but I imagine I'll have to do it pretty soon.

You're bitching because you can't sit in class for 3 hours a day, wow, 3 whole hours. Join the army, navy, airforce, or marines if you lack the ability to accomplish anything on your own.

[mrdevious]

Yeah but i'd just been complaining, i would'nt kill myself. The future could be bright for him and he would'nt even know because he would be dead. But he has'nt been online for a long time and to be honest im worried about wether he's gone through with it.

nah man, I haven't killed myself and I'm not going to. I'm actually feeling fine right now. I just havne't been around since i made myself look like a fool here when I had that whole nervous breakdown, as has happened many times before. the same day I bitched out my whole family enough to piss them all off for no reason, then went downstairs to my room and stupidly restorted to smashing my face and hands into walls till I got an endorphine rush. then I found some Methylfenydate (ritalin) in our medicine cabinet, so I started taking those (in a sensible dose) to see if it would get my brain in order. I don't know if they worked by I do have a lot more energy right now and I seem to be a lot more capable of completing my assignments now.

anyway, yesterday I did a bunch of stretching and muscle training that I learned in yoga, then went running for a little bit. oddly enough it doesn't really hurt me to excercise, it hurts me when I have to lift heavy things, stand in one place for more than 10 minutes, or even sit in one place. seems my muscles are a lot better when I'm constantly moving, working and stretching them, though I still have my limits in that regard. also I think after a 4 hour solid smoking session, I broke myself out of the whole funk. I know it can depress a lot of people, but it actually makes me feel very possitive. actually yesterday I went to class high, and normally I'm so stressed I can barely concentrate, but when I was totally stoned I was participating in class discussion more than anybody else, and bringing up some really good points. I think I've found too that I can just take 1-2 tokes and feel very possitive, but not get high, just mildy euphoric. it's like a doctors recommended dose really lol.

As for all the people who were helpfull, thankyou for that. but I do want to be clear on this to those who thought so, I was NOT trying to be an attention whore to get sympathy (hence my general angry cursing at some, sorry about that). I totally hate attention whores who want everybody to feel sorry for them, and there's no way I wanted that. I was just freaking out, thougth I was out of options and screwed in life, I didn't want to be in pain anymore, and considering I don't have any friends to talk to, I vented on these boards with you guys who are the closest thing I have (and a lot of you have been pretty cool friends).

And yes, I see lots of people are saying "there's billions in 3rd world countries with lives tougher than yours", but that doesn't really answer why in first world countries we have huge suicide rates wheras in a lot of poor nations it's almost unheard of. I'm sure psychologists, philosophers, sociologists could all debate about it for years. but obviously there's something about modern society that is not healthy for the human mind, something that's making millions of people depressed, anxious, suicidal, or just unhappy with their life while there's people in Cuba barely getting by who are very happy. I think a large part is due to societal restrictions.
I was such a nervous wreck from being bullied in schools because we were conditioned from a young age to be disempowered. that's right, the schools disempower kids, teach them not to stand up for themselves. I never stood up for myself because they drilled it into since kindergarten "just go to a teacher" (and they do nothing to solve anything), rather than instilling the confidence in me (and many kids) to stand up for myself.
in life in general, now you have to get these 6 year university degrees to have a decent job (in large-part), then work at a menial job you hate in an environment where you can't be yourself and can't be creative or intellectually stimulated. it's not natural for humans to spend 18 or more years in hard learning and spend half their life working at jobs for some asshole company they don't care about.
and, at the even more basic level, there's just the way we live today, which is more unnatural than ever. As much as we love our toys and crap, we won't be made happy by the fact that we spend hours watching the brain-rotting television, playing video games, spending exorbidant amounts on crap we don't even need, conditioning ourselves to believe that we have to BUY BUY BUY to be happy, when in reality it's nothing but material pleasures that bring no fulfillment, just superficial instant gratification.

People who are miserable and even suicidal aren't that way because they have it tougher than everybody, it's because the human mind is put in an environment that it wasn't meant to cope with or naturally exist in. We evolved to have the species deal with starvation, hard work, conflict, security, etc. but the way most people live today isn't how we were meant to exist.

oh, yes, and, um, I'm sane again.

[mrdevious]

You're bitching because you can't sit in class for 3 hours a day, wow, 3 whole hours. Join the army, navy, airforce, or marines if you lack the ability to accomplish anything on your own.

oh, tadaa, you obvious didn't read about what's really going on.

[Looker]

Fuck college man just go to work....

[cokekilla]

move to amsterdam and smoke some weed