Quote Originally Posted by mrdevious
why? fuck it, that's why. I remember in high school they gave these stupid seminars on suicide telling us "people commit suicide because they want the pain to stop". well they're fucking stupid, because there's always more than one reason, and sometimes it may even be justified. I hate people who say "it's never the answer". well maybe sometimes it is, maybe the world isn't a big happy simple place where one answer fits all. And right now I realized that it may be my only choice left because I have nowhere left to go.

right now I'm in college and as it's goin, I'm not going to pass. I've been studying for hours, but no matter how hard I try it's too much and I keep falling behind. it doesn't matter what I do, I've tried and tried, but I can't do it. I'm so fucking sick of people telling me that i just need to buckle down, and it'll be hard, but I'll suceed in the end. pretty fucking words don't pass my tests, don't finish my projects, don't make me understand all the material and catch up. I can work my ass off 24 hours a day, but I'm not gonna pass.

but hey, no big deal right? I'll just drop out, get a job, finally move out, and live a little first. oh wait, nope I'm fucked there too because I'm in so much fuckin pain all the time I can't possibly work. it hurts like hell for me just to take the bus to school, 3 hours a day sitting in class is enough alone to put me in a world of pain. so obviously, I can't go out and work, because I can barely manage to go out shopping.

so hey, if I should disappear suddenly, that's why, because I can't see a fucking way out. I can't finish college, I can't work, i can't move out, and my parents will never let me just sit at home doing nothing. What the hell else do I have for options? NOTHING. there's absolutely no other course I could take that I can see. don't listen to these assholes that say "suicide is NEVER the answer", 'cause I'm living proof that it's the only answer sometimes. I'm not saying I'll pop myself off today, 'cause I'm not, but I imagine I'll have to do it pretty soon.
Mrdevious... you always struck me as one of the more intelligent people on this site... suicide... suicide is not an intelligent idea. Chances are you are going to get alot of nasty replies just because no one wants to here about this "bullshit" but I think we all have times in our life in which we feel similar if not exactly on point with how you feel now. I agree with bedake. The weed can definitely cloud things, try quitting for a week, just seven days. It's been proven a depressent. You'd be amazed the amount of shit you realize after a good week of being sober