Quote Originally Posted by onehitwonder
ok guys, I'm glad you asked.... I've been going round and round with this in my head for a couple of weeks... I have a fifteen yr. old daughter and I've always encouraged her to just talk to me before she tries anything (smoking, drinking, sex) out of fear of her getting into something she can't handle. In fact, I'm the one who offered her a puff one night I sensed she was nervous about something major.. So she pretty much tells me all about her evenings with her friends, but I have told her if I feel her grades or ambitions are not up to par she will see the uncool side of me. Kids are gonna do what they gotta do.. on the other hand, if your parents cannot accept it you will not change their minds... some people truly believe pot will screw you up... who knows they my be right.... Some people tell me I am wrong and that I need to set boundries or limits, i do, but i have to be realistic, and it really eases my mind knowing where she is who she's with and what they're up to... they never hesitate to call me if they need a ride or just need me , My daughter knows the one thing that will get her grounded is if she gets in a car with someone that has been drinking or lacking good judgement.... Am I an enabler? some would say yes... Being a parent is a huge responsibility and there are no guaranties on the outcome, just remember most parents love their kids so much that it's a constant struggle hoping they're doing the right thing, but never knowing for sure.
peace,
onehitwonder
to me, that seems like a good way to go about it...it makes for more trust. I have a baby girl (7mos old right now) and I hope to raise her the same way...so she trusts me and my judgement, and actually values my opinions. I figure, if my child won't trust me to tell me she smokes pot, she won't trust me to tell me she's having unprotected sex, or is giving handjobs for crack in a truckstop bathroom, or is an underage pornographer (that may just be overprotective father instincts kicking in). I think that boundaries are good, but they gotta be realistic...
"never smoke, never drink, always be home by 9pm, all your homework must be done"...
to me that's bullshit. I wouldn't be able to keep up with all that, and I resented my parents for trying to pin that kinda thing on me. I'd much prefer a child who is honest and open, who doesn't feel the need to hide things from her parents...


as to the belt thing, that really sucks, man. my parents used a big wooden spoon to beat my ass...but only when I really deserved it. and in retrospect, it wasn't really that bad...my mother isn't exactly a baseball player, and it never even bruised. its more the shock that does the discipline, I think.