Help?

[Awill3449]

bizzzump

[VoidLivesOn]

I'm so stumped.This is frustrating me...so many different points flying across this paper, and not one place to put them.Actually there is I'm just being...I dunnoo..

[VoidLivesOn]

OK heres a little more I just came up with.Be honest about what you think of it boys and girls.


Ohhh, High School. A place where a variety of teenagers can get togeather and learn in harmony regardless of there race, gender, or dress preference.High School is the very place where students can get togeather and expand there horizons with the nectar of education.Heh...you'd have to be a moron to believe that. I think what I really meant was, High school is a place where social status rules all and if your not up to date with there shitty, unaptness noise they actually call music...well then your just a waste of life.You know what they say,"High Scool is suppose to be the best years of your lives!" Well alot of times in life arrogance breeds hate, so believe me when I say this: arrogance is practically the cornerstone of high school.So who's complaining? No one.Sort of.

[lemonboy]

Just a quick edit of your most recent paragraph. I'm not sure if this is what you were looking for but I hope it helps.

Ohhh, High school. A place where teenagers get together to learn in harmony regardless of their race, gender, or looks. High school is the very place we get together to drink the nectar of education. Heh... You would have to be blind, deaf, and dumb to believe that. I think what I really meant was: High school is a place where social status reigns supreme and if you're not up to date with there shitty unapt noise they actually call music, well then you're not worth their time. You know what they say, "High school is supposed to be the best years of your lives!" In real life arrogance often breeds hate, so consider this: arrogance is practically the cornerstone of high school. Who's complaining? No one. Sort of.

[VoidLivesOn]

Just a quick edit of your most recent paragraph. I'm not sure if this is what you were looking for but I hope it helps.

Ohhh, High school. A place where teenagers get together to learn in harmony regardless of their race, gender, or looks. High school is the very place we get together to drink the nectar of education. Heh... You would have to be blind, deaf, and dumb to believe that. I think what I really meant was: High school is a place where social status reigns supreme and if you're not up to date with there shitty unapt noise they actually call music, well then you're not worth their time. You know what they say, "High school is supposed to be the best years of your lives!" In real life arrogance often breeds hate, so consider this: arrogance is practically the cornerstone of high school. Who's complaining? No one. Sort of.

AWESOME MAN! just the little critiquing that I need.Also I made a thread asking you if you had any messanger programs..did you come across it?

Also you wouldn't be offended if I just used some things you suggested and kept some of the things I originally wrote? Because I don't want you to think your help isn't useful, some of the little things your wrote really help out.

[lemonboy]

Any time.

I didn't see the thread. I have AIM. If you want my SN send me an email to my name at hush.com.

Also you wouldn't be offended if I just used some things you suggested and kept some of the things I originally wrote? Because I don't want you to think your help isn't useful, some of the little things your wrote really help out.

LOL, not at all. I didn't know how much or little you wanted so I just did it. Consider not being quite so harsh on your audience though. I like the idea of cussing in a school report though

[VoidLivesOn]

Also whats the difference between unapt and unaptness being used in my context?

[VoidLivesOn]

So is it [email protected]..?

[lemonboy]

Unaptness isn't an adjective so you can't use it to describe something. Unapt is a adjective so it works fine. It's a weird word anyway. I thought about changing it altogether.

[lemonboy]

So is it [email protected]..?

lemonboy [at] hush.com