1. couldn't keep it up while sober (has only happened once sober). i blame it on the weird noises the chick was making when it was barely in. (it was kind of a weird "oi" sound like a piglett)
2. couldn't get it up while stoned (the first and only time i will ever try to have sex while blazed)
3. ate out my girlfriend for a while in the shower. the lights were really dim and it was at night. started tasting like raw steak. it finally hit me that i had been lapping up period blood. from that day forward, i have NEVER given a girl oral. f#$%in repulsive.
4. tried anal. poop on dick. eww.
5. tried anal again. no poo, but odor persisted. eww.
6. tried to titfuck. it sucked. it looks way better than it feels. maybe it would feel better on real giant tits, but these ones were implants, so it was like trying to fuck two balloons.

and then numerous other times where the smelly vag killed the mood

you'd be amazed at how many hot chicks take horrible care of their beavers.