Disastrous sexual encounters

[Imotep]

a friend of a friend of mine had 2 diffrent girls poop on him on 2 different occasions.
he was getting all weirded out. after the second time he didnt think it was funny at all.
oh how we laughed...

[nuggetgirl]

One time in highschool, with the boy that my mother never wanted me to see. I lived on a farm, and we had a big garden/tool shed. He snuck over one night and I met him out in the yard and we went way to the back of the shed. I had brought a blanket and laid it on the floor and we were totally going at it. All of a sudden I felt something furry touch my leg so I grabbed my lighter and flicked it on. It was a freaking POSSUM and like 5 babies. I was so scared of getting bit by this pissed off momma possum I totally ran out side clothes in hand and hopped back through my bedroom window. Neverless, the boy never talked to me again.
Oh to be young again....

[Imotep]

nuggetgirl, did u poop on my buddy?

[gramzzilla420]

no but he is the worst example of a man i ever met.

i like beat the hell out a that fucker

[Delta.9]

One night in Tampa I picked up that Iranian girl cause she had enormous size of breast quadroloupe D, not saggy, perky, the biggest I have seen in person. I did not go down or checked the conditions, while having sex I felt some burning down there, then I realized she had pussy hair like 5-6 inches and tangled around my private, skin was off and the burning sensation grew each time I penetrated. F.cking bitch should have shaved it. Took me 2 weeks to heal, meaning no sex for 2 weeks....damn monstrous boobs, you fooled me.....

Sorry man, but that is some of the funiest shit I've ever heard. You've got me rolling on the floor!

[theprettiestprincess]

Seriously every guy I was with b4 my current bf wasn't worth it. No orgasm no nothing. But I can remember a couple that were disatrous, this 1 guy I was dating when I was 16 had a BIG dick and our 1st sexual experience together was horrible it hurt like hell and I was about to cry seriously. Different day same guy, he came over 1 day and we were goin at it and we kissed and his breath tasted terrible ughhhhhhhhhh!

[Euphoric]

One time i was making silly to my girlfriend while we were really drunk. I was so drunk and got sleepy, so i just decided to go to sleep..like, right then. Shes like WTF im like what!? Oh yea..srry

[Delta.9]

bump for a great thread!

This one has potential!

[snowblind]

this thread ahs made me piss, reminds me of of this girl i met in uni

a smoking buddy if mine had met this girl and she lived in an all girl flat. so we would go round there. blaze and get free munch and sunday dinners. one of my mates gf mates was this pretty hot rock chick. she was a bit weird and kinda depressive but a nice enough girl. she was always proper nice and her mates used to rib her cus i was the only person she wasn't stingy with. she used to give me food and chocolate. all good. anyway one nite we all go out to the local rock club. im pretty wasted so we start dancin, kissin, its all good. so i invite her back to mine.
anyway we get back, i put on some tunes and well its all good. we start kissin and i start undressin her. the more clothes i took off her the worse she smelt. like this kinda stale bo and this kinda fusty putrid milk kinda smell. but im drunk and horny, so i reach down there and man her pubes where massive. the smell was pundgent to say the least. so anyway i had a shower in my room. so im like lets go take a shower together. she looks at me ands like no. so she grabs my dick and starts yankin it and suckin on it. but anytime i get anywhere near pleasure i get this whiff that makes me wanna wretch. so after about ten minuates, i make my excuses and say it aint working. grab my shit, roll a phat one and cotch on the couch.
anyways i find out from my mate the day later. that shes a a virgin and thought i was gonna fuck her rotten in the shower like in a porno, which well i cant deny hadnt crossed my mind
and b has a huge crush on me and locked herself in her room and cried for ages, when she got back from mine.
i spent the next term trying to avoid her. till i was pissed and she gave me head on my mates couch. this time i let her keep her clothes on.

i know this might sound skank but man personal hygine isn't hard.

[snowblind]

lolz i am reminded of another funny situation.

where i used to live was this girl. bitchy, aggressive and used to use sex as a ool to manipulate boys and get what she wanted. she was dating my best mate. she used to cheat on him all the time and fool around with other lads. myself included something im not too proud off.
anyway she cheated on my mate with this lad who has a massive knob. she is a proper drama queen and when she told him, started shouting and screeming at my mate. in the common room at college. she talking tall about how he has a huge nob and she rode him all night and he doesnt compare and that he said she was the best pussy she ever had and that he came on to her all night and she finnaly gave in. bitch
anyway we get round to chillin with this lad a few months laters, he is proper sound. and i raise it in conversation and he starts laughing his tits off. anyway he told it as it was. they where at this party she followed him too and she was all over him all nite like a rash. she even bust into the toilet twce accidently. anyway she gets into bed with him and starts touching him up. so he puts it in. then hes like yeah 2 minuates and shes all ouch it hurts and kicks him outta bed.

bitch

skank

ass

ho