Powerfull man,
I don't feel quite worthy replying to this, but I thought I'd just say that I (is enjoyed the proper term?) your post and I'm sorry for your losses.
Know that death is not the end. Beyond this experiment we call "life" is a reality that we can only begin to imagine, where each of us creates owr own personal bliss.
Love and Knowledge Johnny, seek both, they're all that really matter.

Peace.