Quote Originally Posted by BabyFacedAbortion
Boys, this is where you mess up during sex, in my opinion. From the thousands of stories I've heard in the public bathrooms, locker rooms and over coffee I'm going to point a few things you should do and should not do in my opinion BUT keep in mind, like men, all women are VERY different so some things may be true for one but not for another.

I have a few girls helping me with this too, it's not just my opinion

  • If you feel the need to ask us if we came after sex, then we didn't
  • If you ask us how many times, we're probably going to roll our eyes and say some ubsurd number which you'll probably believe for some odd reason.
  • If we're on the rag, it doesn't matter how many times you ask...you're not getting any.
  • Don't walk out of the bathroom and expect oral sex, we know in the back of our heads that you piss out of there but we don't want to be thinking about that as we're blowing you.
  • We don't care about your car.
  • Cuddling is nice, keep that in mind after you roll over and start snoring.
  • Never, ever, ever talk about your ex (or any other girl that we don't know for that matter) unless you're insulting her.
  • If you have to question anything in sex, it sucked.
  • Yes, girls fake orgasms. It's true, but it's to please you, so don't think about it and don't ask about it...just enjoy the fact that we're trying to make you happy.
  • Oral sex: that probing thing with your tongue kind of reminds us of E.T..pressure and technique is the key.
  • Girls know not to use their teeth when giving head, so if they do...you've done something very, very, very wrong and you should put your little friend away as fast as possible.
  • Hey...it's called a CLIT...make friends with it.
  • Talk Sex with Sue, sunday nights..Oxygen channel..Watch it.
  • Unless we tell you we want to try anal sex or somehow initiate it, DO NOT even try it.
  • If you're going to finger a girl, remember the "Come here" trick. Instead of slamming them in and out of her, move them around, do the "come here" motion, slide them in and out slowly..variety is the key.
  • Please don't look bored or distracted during sex, then we will be too and probably pissed off.
  • Compliments are awesome, we love them but try and say "beautiful" instead of "hot" or "pretty", try and say "sweet" instead of "funny". You're our boyfriends or our lover, not the boy next door that we ride bikes with, kthnx.
  • Burping and farting can be funny..just not in bed.
  • Try to avoid saying "I love you" while fucking, unless you're "making love" it'll probably envoke five-thousand thoughts that'll distract us.
  • Please don't push our heads down, just play with our hair or thrust slightly..gagging us with your dick will only result in vomit on your abs.


Feel free to add or discuss <3
Hehehe...
Well..this was good for a chuckle..and it reminded me of why it's so great to be 38 year old...
First of all..the concept of someone giving me something like sex..that's just hillarious...
If a woman ever thought she was doing me a favour..or that I would feel like I "got some" had better think seriously about what I just gave her!
Seems to be a popular idea that guys "Get it" when they are good little boys..
And if I am going to ask a woman if she is satisfied after sex it's because I am a caring lover who wants to see his wife happy..
The fact is a guy stops asking that question at a certain age..mostly because he just doesn't give a rat's ass!
And the last time I asked for sex would be about never! 2 people make love with each other when they feel like it..
If my wife is mad at me..and decides to show me by scraping her teeth on my knob..maybe she needs to think about how angry I'll be when I am pulling out just before she orgasms..
Faking an orgasm is just a lie..and it doesn't do a guy any favours..if you don't tell your partner that it didn't work out for you..I guess you shouldn't complain when he never gives you one..after all..he thought you were enjoying it..!?
Compliments are nice..men enjoy them too...
Sex is fantastic..but when it becomes something with a list of rules and advisories..I guess I would rather do something else..
Johnny Hempseed Reviewed by Johnny Hempseed on . And THIS is why she hasn't called ;) Boys, this is where you mess up during sex, in my opinion. From the thousands of stories I've heard in the public bathrooms, locker rooms and over coffee I'm going to point a few things you should do and should not do in my opinion BUT keep in mind, like men, all women are VERY different so some things may be true for one but not for another. I have a few girls helping me with this too, it's not just my opinion If you feel the need to ask us if we came after sex, then we didn't If you Rating: 5