HAHAHA!!! That first thing was hilarious. When i get weed, if i get weed (i live in a shitty place with no weed anywhere, like i say in my every post) i might try something like this:

Break something worthless, and then just look at him with a sinister gaze and start saying "Why did you do it? Why did you break this? Why? C'mon, dont break stuff!"

Or maybe "OMG whats wrong with you, you look terrible, your head is purple, WTF is this..."

Would these be worth anything?