First off.. Nice draft. If it's well adjusted that's already about ten minutes of film there, which is nice.
The style reminds me a lot of Snatch, Lock Stock and Sin City. Which is my style. You have a very descriptive way of writing and that almost compells you to use recognisable characters.
Terry is a good one,

LUCKY (V.O.)
Terry was a soldier in the I.R.A. In Ireland. He fled the country due to his involvement in a string of bombings. He??s a heavy drinker and a bit of a loose cannon; in other words, a typical irishman. As a matter of fact, that??s where I first met him, in a bar.
1) Terry PLACES backpack full of explosives in front of bus stop in London.
2) An EXPLOSION erupts, smoke fills the area. The streets run wild with PANIC.
3) Terry packs his gear, feeling that the authorities are on to him. He catches a boat to America.
4) Terry sits in a bar, eight EMPTY shot glasses in front of him.
5) An attractive FEMALE orders a drink at the bar. Terry gets fresh with her.
TERRY
Aye love, nice rack.
6) Her BOYFRIEND and his FRIEND confront Terry. Terry isn??t impressed.
BOYFRIEND
Hey fuckhead, you disrespected my lady?
(beat)
Hey asshole, I??m talkin?? to you.
TERRY
(very casual)
Fuck off.
That's a clean cut description, but maybe, in order to fool the public later on, you could include some weird gimmick. You could keep the sexist bastard that's always talking tits, but make it an impotent bastard or such.

Grimes is the fella with the most personal influence ain't he? Don't you personify with him the most? If so, put your heart and soul into him. If you ever think 'this is too much', don't jump to conclusions. You can make people do fucked up things in movies. Try to be pissed off when you're writing violent scenes, it heightens your verbal action, i vouch for that. Eloquent foulmouthing can make or break certain genres. lol
Grab the publics attention by being crude in your own way, those are the flics that stand out.

==> Respect for including the CCR

2) Lucky JACKS a bitchin?? ride parked right on the crowded streets of the Vegas strip. No one knows what just went down.
3) The loud sound of the DRILL drowns out the mindless babble of the ANNOYING customer. Sweaty, Lucky wipes his forehead with his sleeve and opens the safe. The customer smiles.
4) Lucky DRILLS again but this the time the store is CLOSED. The safe door swings open, the jewels inside GLISTEN. A smile breaks out across Lucky??s face.
5) A cocktail waitress brings a drink over to a LIVELY craps table. Lucky stands at the top of table, DICE in hand; ready to ROLL. He pushes a LARGE amount of chips on ??7? and rolls the dice. JEERS ring out as the dice reveal a ??6?. His smile quickly FADES.
6) An UNSAVORY CHARACTER sits at a desk. He adjusts his very expensive suit and THROWS a paper bag on the desk. Lucky PICKS it up and shakes ??CRAZY IVAN??S? hand.
7) Back at ANOTHER craps table, Lucky does it again and BETS his whole load. How does it feel being FUCKED two times?, Just ask Lucky. He is REMOVED by SECURITY.
8) A blue 74?? CHEVY NOVA speeds across the highway, passing a sign reading, ??YOU ARE NOW LEAVING LAS VEGAS?. Lucky flips off the sign.
Now this is the sh*t. Very strong impressions if i may sound like an artbitch.
SCARS AND MARKS: Bullet wound on left shoulder. Stab wound on left rib. Tattoo on right forearm - ALL SEEING EYE.
Why not emphasize this then

GRIMES
Oh is there any doubt about it? Jesus loves the little children? What the fuck is that?! I think that right there is self-explanatory.
Cracked me up big time

It has potential for sure. I'd love to be updated in time. Starting a film with a bankrobbery is hard so i'm hopin' for a big twist. Keep up the maternally copulating work. :thumbsup:

(next time, spell my name right or don't start your car the day after)
Harvesthetic Reviewed by Harvesthetic on . Harvasthetic, here it is..... my screenplay. the format is fucked here cuz this isnt final draft. what i've got so far... SCREEN BLACK LUCKY (V.O.) Sometimes I wonder how I get myself into these fucked up situations. FADE IN: INT. MOTEL ROOM - AFTERNOON Lucky stands back to the wall, m-16 pressed up against his chest. His wifebeater splattered with blood. Grimes peeks out the window. Both men are in their 30??s. Lucky is a brunette, handsome; and Grimes, dirty blonde, appealing in a rugged sort of way. GRIMES Rating: 5