A girl in your workplace. Flirting.
Things cooled down a bit after a couple of weeks of knowing one another.
Things picked back up again.
Just be a friend or tell her feelings?/feelings are growing alot.
She's telling you about another guy, but he has a girlfriend.
You didnt really want a relationship.
She sent you a message while intoxicated saying she wanted you and you said "I know you really didnt mean it". Because she was intoxicated.
You "backed off" and called it a stupid move.



Your obviously interested in her. The problems I see is that your on the verge of blowing it all together.

Telling her your feelings a.k.a "spilling your guts" is a huge mistake. There is an old saying, "Dont wear your heart on your sleave". Be honest always. But be very careful about openess about your feelings. Its important to NOT let her know where she stands with you. Be an emotional challenge. I want you to keep this to yourself, no conformations. Words like "might", "maybe" etc. are better mindsets.

You MIGHT have feelings for her is what you must tell YOURSELF. Do not project YOUR interest level into her. When you do this it becomes about YOUR interest level. It needs to be about HER interest level and the things you can do to increase that.

Spilling your guts by telling her how YOU feel will do several things along with making her feeling obligated, which is what you dont want. Adoration is also bad in that your feet are off the ground and your not thinking straight. Then again it becomes about YOU which is what you dont want. Keep yourself grounded or you will get sloppy. Let her be the one to enjoy the adoration not you.

Always pay attention to HER body language and bottom line HER actions. Telling her your feelings is a wrong approach. She is more interested in how YOU make HER feel. Men and women must come together slowly in relationships. If something isnt feeling right back off, dont do more of.

She probably interpreted your NOT wanting a relationship and the fact that you backed off at work as a challenge, which is a good thing! The only thing is you think this is bad and regret it????

It is always best to move slow with a woman. Go in slow, stop then backup and let her come to you. You inadvertantly were doing the right things and didnt know it.

You have to show her you can live without her and establish respect as early as possible in the relationship when she tests you on it. That means not taking her back on disrespect. Very important. You draw that line verbally or non verbally to let her know you are to be respected. This seperates you from the "nice" guy who gets no respect therefore no love.

In a woman's world, no respect for yourself = no love. Even the nicest women will test you, so expect it. Dont take it personally just know what to do.

Also expect jealousy and possesiveness tests. Where she hugs or flirts with another guy in front of you. Its important not to show negative emotions of jealousy and possessiveness in front of her.

Act like you could care less and be ready to walk if she goes to far with another guy and you see it with your own eyes. Never fight to win someones love it goes against mother nature. Just walk away, be patient and watch what happens.

Being a "Friend" means not being a lover. That parallels being "nice", same thing.
Dont allow yourself to fall into the "friend" or the "nice" catagory.

Your about to enter both.


Nice means in woman language that your NOT being an emotional challenge.

Its important to be chivalrous, polite and have manners, that is the gentle part of gentleman. Dont confuse that with what she means by nice. If you spill your guts she will see you as a nice/friend. So play your cards close to your chest with openess.

Open up very, very slowly. Let her do more so than you.Keep her wondering. And challenge her emotionally, your independent and have things to do, yet when your around her you give her the things she needs. Make her work for you. Dont hand yourself to her. That is boring to her.

She is talking about a guy she likes but he has a girlfriend. What she is really saying is chase me. Ignore the talk about other guys. Sure, she has a boyfriend he just happens to be in Antarctica right now. lol. Typically they all have boyfriends. I never ask. And I dont care to know if she likes me or not because I look at the body language and see if they match the words. Bottom line her actions toward you.

If she is flirting in the first place what does that tell you from the beginning? Your following the words and not paying attention to what she is really saying, which is, "I am interested in you".

Roughly 60 days is the groundwork for your relationship. It is too early for romance and still a little early for affection. A little affection is ok to let her know there MIGHT be more of that in the future. Respect her always.

Go easy on affection. Use it lightly like well chosen sincere compliments. A little goes a long way. If your too heavy on those two things it can kill it. So going lightly this will make her want more, especially if you make yourself less availble and present yourself as a challenge.

You can induce emotional dependence by being a good reflective listener.
Listen to her talk and be quiet. Then verbalize the scope of her thoughts in your own words and say it back to her in your own words.

Remember to cut your time short together and you be the first to leave on a high note.

So being a good reflective listener, complimenting lightly and showing affection lightly and making yourself less available, and creating availability perception will make her chase you.

You must show confidence, self-control and be challenging. That is what she needs from you most in the beginning. Later you introduce a little more affection & romance, but respect is always given regardless.

Give her a single red rose after about 60 days when you think your relationship is set. A little more affection at this point and add some romance. Keep it light and regular.

Dont talk on her answering machine until after this point. You give up self-control and patience when you do.

You must show her confidence and lead.

Plan dates. Say, "Give me your home telephone number". wait 5-9 days to call her. She wont forget you. She will be anticipating your call. Dont call the next day. Patience and challenge go hand in hand. Take her out on a weekday.

You are not available on weekends for at least the first 3 weeks into dating. Disappear on the weekends. Have something to do. Its all about perception. If she makes a counter offer for a weekend. You are not available. Counter back with another weekday, accept a Sunday if she only has weekends off. But no Fridays or Saturdays for 3 weeks into dating.

She will be wondering, anticipating which is what you want, confirmations kill the challenge. If she says why you didnt call? Say, I just did. Its not written anywhere that you have to call, maybe you are busy.

Make yourself less available. You be the one to leave first, end the phone conversations first etc. Women always cut things short first. Why do you think that is?


Leave on a high note. By that I mean when you two get together briefly for conversation that at some point in your conversation when it reaches a high point, Politely leave. Leave on a high note. She will be thinking about you when she cant see you.

Never say "Ill call you" , that is anti-challenge. No conformations remember. Wait 5-9 days to call her again. or tell her to call YOU.

You need to create a situation where this whole thing becomes her idea of her having chose you and chased to catch you. As opposed to you asking for acceptance in showing her your feelings.

Reread the above paragraph.


If she sent you a message while intoxicated saying she wanted to have sex with you,
but you turned around and said she didnt mean it because she was intoxicated.

There is the gentle in gentleman, chivilrous, manners, commands respect. And there is the MAN in gentleman.

Dont play this down by saying to her she didnt really mean it.
She's hinting to you and maybe she really was sober. Or maybe she was intoxicated and is telling you how she feels about you and it slipped out.

Mr. Man. dont disguise your sexuality. You are a gentle-Man.

















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