I feel for your predicament, I belive at one point or another we all hit these lows but if for no other reason suicide should no be an option because of the shitty life it would leave your kid. Think about it, what a shitty cross for a kid to bear and all behind no fault of their own. A mother with issues is way better then a mother who took her own life!
I truly believe that those bad experiences life deals us only make us stronger....In order to make steel it must first be forged in fire. Please continue to fight and remember those buds will pop up tomorrow.