Jimmi it's something that I don't want to do, but when I'm done, I feel really glad that I did it. That's what keeps me coming back. I get basically the same feeling from finishing a big assignment I would've just said "fuck it" to as I get from breaking my limit in a benchpress. Just a good feeling of accomplishing something.

I think that if I made weed a reward (finish a big paper, smoke a spliff; have a long and tiring run, break out the bowl and don't have anything but fruit for munchies) then I can actually use it to fuel my self-improvements. Still, I'm going to take a month or so off just so the next time I smoke I'll be blitzed out of my mother fucking skull :rasta: