Alms for an Ex-Leper?...:
Brian: "Who cured you?"

Ex-leper: "Jesus did, sir. I was hopping along, minding my own business. All of a sudden, up he comes. Cures me. One minute I'm a leper with a trade, next minute my livelihood's gone. Not so much as a by your leave. 'You're cured mate.' Bloody do-gooder."

Brian: "Well, why don't you go and tell him you want to be a leper again?"

Ex-leper: "Ah, yeah. I could do that, sir. Yeah. Yeah, I could do that, I suppose. What I was thinking was, I was going to ask him if he could make me a bit lame in one leg during the middle of the week. You know, something beggable, but not leprosy, which is a pain in the arse, to be blunt. Excuse my French, sir, but, uh--"

Mandy: "Brian! Come and clean your room out."

Brian: "There you are."

Ex-leper: "Thank you, sir. Thanks-- Half a denary for me bloody life story?"

Brian: "There's no pleasing some people."

Ex-leper: "That's just what Jesus said, sir."

ROFL