Results 1 to 10 of 12
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12-03-2005, 06:14 AM #1OPSenior Member
I have something....
that familiar thickness of blood
metallic and rich like brocade velvet
it wells up against my skin
streaks of heat down my arm
shooting stars through a numb constellation
tickling the ends of my fingers
dotting the floor
little exclamation points
do I feel that
do I feel
fascination with all things internal
we are all busy inside
buzzing with secrets, humming like factories
whirring along like happy idiots
unmindful of all the highways that run inside
all the mechanisms and gears that must turn together
to run this machine
do I feel that
do I feel
diminishing horizon in the distance
wet initials in crimson on the kitchen floor
There is freedom here streaming out in small rivers, running away from me
artfully slumped against the wall, a flawless presentation
this definitely feels like falling
it's the abrupt stop at the end that you should worry aboutScarlettCrush Reviewed by ScarlettCrush on . I have something.... that familiar thickness of blood metallic and rich like brocade velvet it wells up against my skin streaks of heat down my arm shooting stars through a numb constellation tickling the ends of my fingers dotting the floor little exclamation points do I feel that do I feel Rating: 5
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12-03-2005, 06:18 AM #2OPSenior Member
I have something....
edited!
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12-03-2005, 01:03 PM #3Senior Member
I have something....
dosent really flow or have much meaning but at least you bothered
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12-03-2005, 06:06 PM #4OPSenior Member
I have something....
wow thanks for bothering to diss me for a second on something that really felt deep to me.
The meaning is what is is to me and if you don't get it then perhaps you never cut yourself or had a serious surgery that caused you to think about your body and blood in a different way. It doesn't flow and rhyme because I'm not Dre and I prefer freeform prose.
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12-04-2005, 07:54 AM #5Senior Member
I have something....
For every disliker there is five of us who like, we just dont post very much. I like it, I like things that dont flow, try reading James Joyce. He wrote huge books that dont flow or make sense, but died rich, from poetry. Continue to write and post.
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12-04-2005, 08:34 AM #6OPSenior Member
I have something....
thanks you
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12-04-2005, 09:37 AM #7Senior Member
I have something....
ipoetry doesnt have to rhyme... it doesnt have to have perfect flow. It just has to be, and it has to have purpose.
very good... keep it up
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12-04-2005, 06:57 PM #8Senior Member
I have something....
yeah, i thats maybe the biggest mistake, and influence, that rap has on poetry...people think it HAS to rhyme...
i like it, good job
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12-05-2005, 02:03 AM #9Senior Member
I have something....
You know what's funny? Every time I see this thread at Forums Home, I see "I have something...", I'm thinking, "Herpes?"
I'm so sorry. :stoned: Crush of Scarlett.
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12-06-2005, 09:32 AM #10Senior Member
I have something....
deep,.. good