Top Ten Signs Youre a Christian

[Euphoric]

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Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian




10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."


3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.







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Euphoric Reviewed by Euphoric on 11-08-2005. Top Ten Signs Youre a Christian Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian 10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours. 9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt. 8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God. Rating: 5

[beachguy in thongs]

Are you being attacked by bible-thumpers like "slipknotpsycho" is?

Cool quote. Leo da-V (as me and his mother like to call him), no, I'm kidding...but Da Vinci was an astronaut, not a poet or scientist...they didn't even have poems and science back then.

[Euphoric]

It's more of a pre-emptive strike, i suppose.

Leonadro DaVinci was an astronaught? Are you suggesting he was a time traveller?

[beachguy in thongs]

Yeah, he's walking among us, as we speak...the world is full of time travelers, who have mastered the space-time continuum so they can be at different points in history at one time.

How many babies have you ever seen born? We're not overpopulating the world, they've came back from the future to mess with our heads, and the funny part is, it's us that's messing with us. Leonardo Da Vinci was from the future and hasn't even been born yet. I'd doubt your own existence, euphoric, if I were you... :stoned:

[beachguy in thongs]

Did you ever think that we were life-forms that lived forever, and then, one day, God punished us, and we've been dying off ever since?

[Oneironaut]

Did you ever think that we were life-forms that lived forever, and then, one day, God punished us, and we've been dying off ever since?

That doesn't make any sense. Assuming death is a "punishment", why would a supposedly all-loving deity punish the OFFSPRING of creatures that angered him, instead of just the creatures who did wrong? This is as ridiculous as God killing all the first-born children of the Egyptians for the crimes of their parents, and ordering his chosen people to commit genocide against the Amalekites for something their ancestors did hundreds of years before. There are only three possible interpretations here:

1) God is a complete asshole, and man has to do whatever he can to destroy this heinous thing.
2) The Bible is lying about God, and your theory about death being a punishment for something that angered God a long long time ago is wrong.
3) God does not exist at all.

[MyAntiDrugIsAmy]

That doesn't make any sense. Assuming death is a "punishment", why would a supposedly all-loving deity punish the OFFSPRING of creatures that angered him, instead of just the creatures who did wrong? This is as ridiculous as God killing all the first-born children of the Egyptians for the crimes of their parents, and ordering his chosen people to commit genocide against the Amalekites for something their ancestors did hundreds of years before. There are only three possible interpretations here:

1) God is a complete asshole, and man has to do whatever he can to destroy this heinous thing.
2) The Bible is lying about God, and your theory about death being a punishment for something that angered God a long long time ago is wrong.
3) God does not exist at all.

fourth interpretation: beachguy was making an obviously ridiculous claim because it's funny. anyway, it could be true, we don't know for a fact it isn't

it's an interpretation of the adam and eve story

[Oneironaut]

fourth interpretation: beachguy was making an obviously ridiculous claim because it's funny. anyway, it could be true, we don't know for a fact it isn't

Well, actually we do, if we assume the definition of a "god" includes omnibenevolence. But this is clearly not the God of the Bible. The biblical God is extremely cruel and kills innocent people for the crimes of others. Even if we allow for a God that does evil things, most Christians will assert that God is not a hypocrite. But then we run into another problem: how could a non-hypocritical being order people to murder, and even commit murder himself, then turn around and say "Thou shalt not kill"? So either the Bible is lying about the true nature of God, or God is an extremely cruel and hypocritical being and thus is certainly not worthy of worship or even respect.

[beachguy in thongs]

The point of it is that we are insignificant to God and can't measure up to Him, so everybody has to stop thinking that they are God and punish others.

Your God will kill, Ertimontonaut, why? Why does he have to kill, why can't he grow flowers? The Bible is the minds of those who created it.

[Oneironaut]

The point of it is that we are insignificant to God and can't measure up to Him, so everybody has to stop thinking that they are God and punish others.

So why does God order people to murder for him? If God is the only one who is allowed to punish, why doesn't he just do it himself?

Your God will kill, Ertimontonaut, why? Why does he have to kill, why can't he grow flowers? The Bible is the minds of those who created it.

What do you mean by "my God will kill"? I don't have any gods. But you are right, the Bible is just the product of the minds of the people who wrote it. Including that fantasy about Jesus being the son of God.