The phone chirps. Dude grabs it.

DUDE
Dude here.

VOICE
(German accent)
Who is this?

DUDE
Dude the Bagman. Where do you want
us to go?

VOICE
...Us?
DUDE

Shit. . . Uh, yeah, you know, me and the driver. I'm not
handling the money and driving the car and talking on the
phone all by my fucking--

VOICE
Shut the fuck up.
(Beat)
Hello?

DUDE
Yeah?

VOICE
Okay, listen--

Walter looks over at the Dude and bellows:

WALTER
Dude, are you fucking this up?

VOICE
Who is that?

DUDE
The driver man, I told you--

Click. Dial tone.

DUDE
Oh shit. Walter.

WALTER
What the fuck is going on there?

DUDE
They hung up, Walter! You fucked it
up! You fucked it up! Her life was
in our hands!

WALTER
Easy, Dude.

DUDE
We're screwed now! We don't get
shit and they're gonna kill her!
We're fucked, Walter!

WALTER
Dude, nothing is fucked. Come on.
You're being very unDude. They'll
call back. Look, she kidnapped her--

The phone chirps.

WALTER
Ya see? Nothing is fucked up here,
Dude. Nothing is fucked. These
guys are fucking amateurs--

DUDE
Shutup, Walter! Don't fucking say
peep when I'm doing business here.

WALTER
(patronizing)
Okay Dude. Have it your way.

The Dude unclips the phone from the battery pack.

WALTER
But they're amateurs.

The Dude glares at Walter. Into the phone:

DUDE
Dude here.

VOICE
Okay, vee proceed. But only if there
is no funny stuff.

DUDE
Yeah.

VOICE
So no funny stuff. Okay?

DUDE
Hey, just tell me where the fuck you
want us to go.

A HIGHWAY SIGN: SIMI VALLEY ROAD

It flashes by in the headlights of the roaring car.

DUDE
That was the sign.

Walter wrestles the car onto the two-lane road.

WALTER
Yeah. So as long as we get her back,
nobody's in a position to complain.
And we keep the baksheesh.

DUDE
Terrific, Walter. But you haven't
told me how we get her back. Where
is she?

WALTER
That's the simple part, Dude. When
we make the handoff, I grab the guy
and beat it out of him.

He looks at the Dude.

WALTER
...Huh?

DUDE
Yeah. That's a great plan, Walter.
That's fucking ingenious, if I
understand it correctly. That's a
Swiss fucking watch.

WALTER
Thaaat's right, Dude. The beauty of
this is its simplicity. If the plan
gets too complex something always
goes wrong. If there's one thing I
learned in Nam--

The phone chirps.

DUDE
Dude.

VOICE
You are approaching a vooden britch.
When you cross it you srow ze bag
from ze left vindow of ze moving
kar. Do not slow down. Vee vatch
you.

Click. Dial tone.

DUDE
FUCK.

WALTER
What'd he say? Where's the hand-
off?

DUDE
There is no fucking hand-off, Walter!
At a wooden bridge we throw the money
out of the car!

WALTER
Huh?

DUDE
We throw the money out of the moving
car!

Walter stares dumbly for a beat.

WALTER
We can't do that, Dude. That fucks
up our plan.

DUDE
Well call them up and explain it to
'em, Walter! Your plan is so fucking
simple, I'm sure they'd fucking
understand it! That's the beauty of
it Walter!

WALTER
Wooden bridge, huh?

DUDE
I'm throwing the money, Walter!
We're not fucking around!

WALTER
The bridge is coming up! Gimme the
ringer, Dude! Chop-chop!

DUDE
Fuck that! I love you, Walter, but
sooner or later you're gonna have to
face the fact that you're a goddamn
moron.

WALTER
Okay, Dude. No time to argue. Here's
the bridge--

There is the bump and new steady of the car on the bridge.
The Dude is twisting around to pull the money briefcase from
the back seat. Walter reaches one arm across Dude's body to
grab the laundry.

And there goes the ringer.

He flings it out the window.

DUDE
Walter!

WALTER
Your wheel, Dude! I'm rolling out!

DUDE
What the fuck?

WALTER
Your wheel! At fifteen em-pee-aitch
I roll out! I double back, grab one
of 'em and beat it out of him! The
uzi!

DUDE
Uzi?

Walter points across the seat at the paper-wrapped bundle.

WALTER
You didn't think I was rolling out
of here naked!

DUDE
Walter, please--

Walter has flung open his door and is leaning halfway out
over the road.

WALTER
Fifteen! This is it, Dude! Let's
take that hill!

Walter rolls out with his parcel, giving a loud grunt as he
hits the pavement. The car swerves and lurches and the Dude,
cursing, takes the wheel.

OUTSIDE

Walter tumbles onto the shoulder and--RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT!--muzzle
flashes tear open the wrapping paper.

INSIDE THE CAR

The car rocks and the Dude wrestles with the wheel.

OUTSIDE

The car clunks and screams around in a skid.

INSIDE

The Dude is thrown forward as the car hits something.

OUTSIDE

As the Dude struggles out holding the satchel of money. The
front of his car is crumpled into a tree. The car body saps
back to the left, where the rear wheel has been shot out.

WALTER is just rising from the ground massaging an
injured knee.

The Dude runs up the road toward the bridge,
frantically waving the satchel in the air.

DUDE
WE HAVE IT! WE HAVE IT!!

There is a distant engine roar. A motorcycle bumps up onto
the road from the ravine under the bridge and, tires
squealing, skids around to speed away in the opposite
direction. It is closely followed by two more roaring
motorcycles.

DUDE
WE HAVE IT!!. . . We have it!

The Dude and Walter stand in the middle of the road, watching
the three red tail lights fishtail away.

AFTER A LONG STARING SILENCE:

WALTER
Ahh fuck it, let's go bowling.