i understand that theyre concerned, but smoking is really my life, i think, see, hear it. its my everything. im so fuckin depressed since i had to stop. they wont let me talk on the fone or go anywhere now. they even started calling my teachers and shit.

i no theyre concerned but its not like such a big deal. they dont understand things in my town. they keep talking about the fbi and shit, im just a lil' toker, im not gonna have the feds busting into the house and stuff.

*i also said ive quit, i always say i will and things are back to normal and good, then i get caught again or they hear something or suspect shit, then they look so stressed out and tired for like a week or two they go into this depressed and worried state. one of my parents looks like a zombie when they go into this state. i hate hurting them but its not that big of a deal, i hate hurting mary-jane and just abandoning her. i dunno wat to do, quit and be depressed and live a life i dont want until college when i move, or just keep tokin and get caught again eventually and have another horrible week or two. this time its really bad, they want me to check into rehab, ive already quit but im gonna go back eventually, so wats the difference between today or a year or 10 years the fact is im a stoner and always will be, even if im not smoking ill still think, dream, masturbate, and want maryjane all the time, thats just who i am and im happy that way..