1) I'm also psychologically addicted to weed.
Yeah, being sober is boring. Everyone knows THAT!

2) I'm an 18 year old virgin (is that pathetic yet? I don't know)
All the women here are butt-ass ugly

3) I'm smart as a motherfucker but I dropped out of high school.
Fuck those fuckers, I wanna be a pilot!

4) My clothes are usually dirty.
Why the hell should I change if I'm not leaving the house?

5) I have the oh-so-convenient phobia of standing in line.
Uh, er, lines are for fags anyway.