New Joke Thread

[Emperor]

There's two muffins in an oven. One of the muffins says to the other one, "Man, it sure is hot in here!" And the other muffin says, "Oh my god. A talking muffin."

Emperor Reviewed by Emperor on 10-18-2005. New Joke Thread There's two muffins in an oven. One of the muffins says to the other one, "Man, it sure is hot in here!" And the other muffin says, "Oh my god. A talking muffin." Rating: 5

[Emperor]

A woman went into a pet shop to buy her husband a pet. After looking around she realized that all the pets there were too expensive.

She went to the counter and questioned the clerk. "I wanted to buy my husband a pet, but all of yours are so expensive."

"Well," said the clerk, "I have a huge bullfrog in the back for $50.00. Would you like to see it?"

"$50? For a frog?" asked the woman.

The clerk said, "It's a special frog. It gives BJ's."

The woman did not particularly enjoy giving head, so she thought this was a heck of a deal. She'd get her husband a gift he'd surely enjoy, and she'd never have to do that again. The woman decided to buy the frog.

She took it home to her husband and explained the strange gift.

Of course, the husband was a bit skeptical, but said he'd try it out for sure that night.

The woman went to bed that night relieved knowing she'd never have to give another BJ.

Around two in the morning, she woke up to hear pots and pans banging around in the kitchen. She got up to go see what was going on.

When she got to the kitchen, she saw her husband and the frog, sitting at the kitchen table looking through cookbooks. "What are you two doing at this hour?" asked the woman.

The husband looks up at her and says, "If I can teach this frog to cook, your a** is outta here!"

[LOVElife]

MARRIAGE IS LIKE A TORNADO. . .

IT BEGINS WITH A LOT OF SUCKING AND BLOWING ...

... AND IN THE END YOU LOSE YOUR HOUSE!

[Hempamasta]

Oh, that rocks. I love the last two.

[Whos Carl]

Panda walks into a bar and says can i have 2 pints and .................................................. ............................................... a [acket of chrisps.

The barman then says why the LONG PAUSE

[Whos Carl]

The Top 20 Slogans for Legalized Marijuana

20 Got Buzz?

19 Pot: When You Care Enough Not to Care At All

18 A Day Without Pot is Like, School

17 Weed My Lips!

16 Hey, America -- Let's Blow This joint!

15 What's So Great About Short-Term Memory Anyway?

14 Obey Your Jones

13 Hemp: The world's practical solution to making, like, paper and rope and necklaces and stuff

12 It's Not Just For Glaucoma Anymore!

11 Help Eradicate Road Rage in Our Lifetime

10 Official Sponsor of the NBA

9 Because the waste is a terrible thing to mi... Dude! I totally fucked that up!

8 Cannabis: The PRE-Coital Smoke

7 This is your brain. This is your brain on pot. This is your brain desperately searching for Doritos.

6 When Was the Last Time You REALLY Looked at Your Hand?

5 SMOKE POT! (Did we just say that out loud? Or did we just think it?)

4 Recommended by 5 Out of 5 Deadheads

3 Just Doob It

2 It's the all-the-time smokey, skunky, sticky, greeny, seedy, stemmy, doobie so-you-can-get-high medicine.

and The Number 1 Slogan for Legalized Marijuana...

1 Skull-Shaped Bong: $25.00 Primo Maui-Grown Bud: $125.00 Watching Teletubbies with Your Buddies: Priceless

[erceg]

how do you keep a pollok in suspence,ill tell you tomorrow,how do u get a great lube job on your car.take it to the border and run over some greasers,what do they call a mexican babtisim,a bean dip,why cant the mexicans have a bbq,the beans keep falling throught the grill,i am so old with my old jokes,as old as the crust on my grannies chonies,i look at my audience as all,so i see no predj,just some jokes is all.go to a basketball game and yell (give it to the white boy)and see what happens.what is difference between select and choose,select is when you pick a item out,choose is what mexicans wear on there feet,e whole lay i crumb ba,ok one more,you have a white man,a black man,a mexican all climb to top of empire state building,they all jump off together,who hits last,of cource,the mexican does,he has to stop halfway down and grafeetie the side of building

[Shane O Mac]

One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window.
The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Drop dead beautiful blonde... the works!
"I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'me.... could I see your drivers license...?"
"...What's a license...???" replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.
"It's usually in your wallet..." replied the officer. After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it. "Now may I see your registration..." asked the cop.
"Registration..... what's that....?" asked the blonde. "It's usually in your glove compartment..." said the cop impatiently.
After some more fumbling, she found the registration. "I'll be back in a minute..." said the cop and walked back to his car.
The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the woman's license and registration. After a few moments, the dispatcher came back;
"Ummm.... is this woman driving a red sports car?" "Yes...." replied the officer "Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?" asked the dispatcher "Uh... yes" replied the cop.
"Here's what you do...." said the dispatcher. "Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants..."
"WHAT!!? I can't do that. Its..... inappropriate..." exclaimed the cop.
"Trust me..... just do it...." said the dispatcher.
So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said. The blonde looks down and sighs..... "Ohh no... not ANOTHER breathalyzer......"

[Emperor]

nice one, Shane O Mac!

[lateralus]

What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Lorena Bobbit?
"You gonna eat that?"

There are two naked men and a naked woman in a room together. What is the woman's name?
Sharon Peters.

what do they call a mexican babtisim,a bean dip..what is difference between select and choose,select is when you pick a item out,choose is what mexicans wear on there feet,e whole lay i crumb ba

Alright, I'm half Mexican, but ROFL.