[/life]

[the last stand]

oh, so you just did it for attention!?!!?

[the last stand]

only jokin, glad you're feelin better mate...we wouldn't wanna lose ya yet buddy!

[GHoSToKeR]

What are you talking about? I've never spoken to you before!

[the last stand]

yeah...innit....

[mellow mood]

glad u seem to be alrdy better

be strong man

[Nevada]

Yo Ghost

I can relate, only not personally.

My boyfriend (who i've been with for 4 years now) and I met about 5 years ago. He was about 18 at the time and feeling pretty much the same way you are. (The cause was differnent, but end result the same).

He had split second suicide urges, was depressed, felt empty, all of that craptacular stuff. Especially the lying thing. To this day, he's still a compulsive liar about the stupidest shit, although not as bad and no longer for the same reasons. He'd lie about shit for which there is absolutley no reason to lie. Like, what he did on the weekend, what he has done in the past, all kinds of things like what you mentioned you lied about.

He has since overcome, partly because of me. I was able to see him for who he really was, past all the exterior he was masquerading.

I fell in love with him, and b/c i loved him for who he really was, he was able to shed all these negative images, feelings and compulsions. Slowly, mind you.

He has sinced gone to school, has a fantastic job, and is very very happy.

I'm not saying you need to find a girlfriend to make you happy.
I'm just saying that maybe you need to turn to someone who knows you for who you "really" are, like your parents or something.

YOU are a good person, but it's your ACTIONS you don't like. Change your actions, and you may find that the real you will come to the forefront.

18 is so very fucking young. What I wouldn't give to go 5 years in the past. You grow a lot between 15 and 1, and a fuck load more between 18 and 23. You may not know who you are simply b/c you haven't figured it out yet. And that's cool.

Good luck dude. Maybe you need to take a few weeks to go somewhere and be by yourself and think. really think. Meditate or whatever you need to do.

Peace.

[mellow mood]

become buddhist!!

[Caruso329]

Sorry to hear is GHoSToKeR, I'm going through the exact same thing right now. I don't want to go into too much detail, but I struggle with anxiety and depression every day. Thoughts of suicide at least surface every two weeks or so I'd say. Never attempted it, hopefully never will, I could never actually go through with it. And like someone said, as cliché as it sounds

Suicide is a permanant solution to a temporary problem.

If you want to chat with someone who knows what you're going through send me an IM on AIM (Caruso329) or MSN ([email protected]). Or you can email me at [email protected] Hope things get better mate, for both of us. Later. "

[GHoSToKeR]

Hey guys,

To everyone who's given me their email address, thanks. I'd love to chat with you guys, but I don't wanna unload all my crap on somebody else (more than I already have..). As much as I don't object to talking about myself (hehe) I don't like talking about my personal problems.. for no reason other than I feel that others will feel that I like to talk about myself. Lol, dumb huh? But I really appreciate you guys being here for me..

Nevada, thanks for your rpely. I don't know if we've ever spoken to you before on these boards, and if I haven't then I should have.

Maybe you're right, maybe I just need to talk to someone.. I've thought about maybe getting some counselling or something, you know? The only problem is that I can't work right now so I wouldn't be able to pay for it, and i'm not comfortable with getting Social Services or whatever to pay for it, don't ask me why because I don't know. Lol

Wow, I can't tell you guys how grateful I am. Some of you i've known for a good while, and some of you I haven't, but it's still so nice when people can do their best to help somebody who they barely know, at least not in real life.

I'll be okay.. It was just a shock. I'm usually always happy, at least on the surface (I now realise that it's definately just on the surface) but that's usually enough to get me through the day until the next day starts. This time, though, something happened (I don't know what) that made me slip up, and that thin layer of happiness (or whatever you wanan call it) disappeared for a second. This was the consequence...

To those who've offered advice or kind words, thank you. Seriously, thank you. To those who are going through something similar, if you need anybody to talk to, about anything.. [email protected]

James

[Caruso329]

Ghost, if you don't want to talk about personal problems that's fine, but I'd still like to chat sometime. I added you on MSN, I'll say hey sometime when you're on.