question directed at women but men can respond

[nancyrenee]

Ok. I've been with my bf for over two years now. I went through this big depression and stuff. Normally I'm a very negative person. Usually I only see bad things in people, life, situations. And I'm sneaky. I usually just sit and think about how someone is fucking me over. Usually it turns out nothing is going on to begin with. The thing is I have mood swings. I thought i was happy until this afternoon. I saw on a message board that my bf had commented that this chick was hot. And then he made a post called "I love black women" and posted pics of all the black porn/ movie stars he would love to fuck. Now my bf isn't a cheater. But in my eyes that's cheating. I'm upset and feel like I'm unattractive and the only reason my bf doesn't cheat on me is because of the guilt he would have to live with if he did. I feel that the fact he loves me or is attracted to me more than those other women doesn't keep him from cheating. Just the guilt. And I feel he would love to get some different pussy if it weren't for loving me. We are comfortable in our relationship. Like a marriage. The sex is good but it's the same. There is more love than sexual attraction. I don't take 45 minutes to suck his dick like when we first started dating because I don't like to suck dick. It's boring. Now that's really fucked up I know. But do you women ever feel like you are unattractive to your signifigant other even though they say you are the best gf they have ever had? That your bf isn't attracted to you simply because he admits to finding other women attractive? I mean if he finds them attractive then ok. But he doesnt' have to say it. I mean is it possible for your bf to find a wide array of women attractive and still because he is in love with you doesn't cheat? And should I accept that behavior? I don't want to be put in a category with other women he doesn't even know. And I don't see him putting my pics up saying I'm the most fuckable woman in the world. Yet I have let him do whatever he has wanted to with me shouldn't I deserve some recognition? I try to speak with him about it and he says i'm just being a typical jealous bitch. And that he doesn't cheat. And that all women do this shit. He also watched porn. A lot of porn. Which makes me feel very unattractive because there he is having these fantasies and jacking off to all these other women not giving me a thought in the matter. I dont' masturbate to other men. I hate all other men. Why should he masturbate to these sluts that get paid to have sex and fake orgasms? When I feel this way and start thinking about all the negative things in my life. I start to think I'm worthless and all I'm here for on this earth is just to give men a nut. And even when I am generous enough to give my pussy to one man it's not enough. Even though he's not touching another pussy he still wants one. How should that be accepted by women?

nancyrenee Reviewed by nancyrenee on 06-28-2004. question directed at women but men can respond Ok. I've been with my bf for over two years now. I went through this big depression and stuff. Normally I'm a very negative person. Usually I only see bad things in people, life, situations. And I'm sneaky. I usually just sit and think about how someone is fucking me over. Usually it turns out nothing is going on to begin with. The thing is I have mood swings. I thought i was happy until this afternoon. I saw on a message board that my bf had commented that this chick was hot. And then he made Rating: 5

[neilmcca]

obviousley this guy is too ignorant to know what he's got, lose him.
"he says i'm just being a typical jealous bitch." -- that's outta line for a start,
he would never call u a bitch if he thought anything of u, and if he had any respect for u and your feelings he would at least watch his porn in private (or not at all) and
i gotta admit, i love porn, but i would feel uncomfortable watching it with a woman anyways.
"When I feel this way and start thinking about all the negative things in my life. I start to think I'm worthless" -- don't let that asshole make u feel that way, were u this depressed before u met the guy ??
Do yourself a favor and find yourself a man who knows how to treat u right.

[maryjanemama]

GET RID OF HIM! Nancy, we've all seen your pic, you're a very pretty girl, there is no reason to feel bad about yourself. Or be jealous of whatever skanky porn star your bf is lusting after. I'll admit, you do seem to be negative at times, but I think a lot of that has to do with your depression.


Uuuugh, I really don't know where to start, but I'll try...if he calls you a jealous bitch, I think he might be trying to make it look like you're the one with the problem and he's the good guy. Kind of like controlling reverse psychology. I know you are comfortable, he's not cheating on you, blah, blah, but is that enough? Maybe you aren't as interested in sex as you were before because your whole relationship has changed. There is no reason to feel unattractive or not be interested in sex. Why don't you give a break a try and either try dating other guys .(I think sawleaf has the hots for you lol, just kidding, saw!).

You're too young to be so insecure about a committed relationship. Give other guys a chance. I know your bf isn't a loser or anything but he seems to play off of your worries, like he finds your jealousy and getting you upset entertaining, in a way.

Anyway, good luck, and tell me what you think.

PS It takes 45 minutes to suck him off?!!! What the hell's the matter with him?

[NowhereMan]

well from a mans piont of view.
i see lots of cars i'd love to drive ,once,some twice
but would i swap what i have for that ride,
no
being that i would try not to let the lady of my life know how good so and so ass looks to me,
that was a mistake on his part,
oh man was it ever,
i must say your blunt about it ,i can respect that,.threw in a few details i could of lived without,i wish you luck and if it helps any
they aint a man out there who can keep from looking,(porn is funny to me though )
but only real men ,keep it to themself,
need no braggin about what they would Like to do or have done or gonna do
real men know when to shut the fuk up
so ill end with saying
good luck i hope u feel better knowing
it aint just your man that is that way
its most of us
peace

ps. start hanging up pictures of half nude men ,
see what he he thinks about it,(just a thought)

[Tilde]

Yeah, calling you a jealous bitch was waayyy out of line, and he's an asshole for doing it (I'm not even going to address it...but no doubt, others on the board will). However, I'd like to throw my opinion on your last line:

"Even though he's not touching another pussy he still wants one. How should that be accepted by women?"

Just as a warning, but what I'm about to say will probably generate a lot of pissed off msgs from women. Anyway...

And I'll try and direct this towards Layman terms...here we go

Us men are not hardwired for monogamy. Our primitive mind is CONSTANTLY thinking about pussy, fantasizing about women, ect ect...we just naturally evolved to think like this ever since homo erectus got his ass kicked by Cro-Magnon (and probably even before that time lol).
Why? Well, from a reproduction point of view, it makes sense. Men can sleep around and get as many women pregnant as his urges determine (until an STD wipes him out, but I'm sure a man, unrestricted, could pump out a thousand offspring before that happens)...but women, on the other hand, can normally only have one kid at a time, so because of that, it makes sense that women evolved so that they would naturally try to find a mate who will stick around and provide for her (this is probably the main reason the idea of marriage was invented). Monogamy benefits women only.
I'm not saying that it is alright for a guy to cheat during a closed-relationship--and by cheating, I mean, fuck another living, breathing, woman; however, as so far as porn goes, guys are going to jack-off to fantasies even if they're in a relationship with last year's Miss America...we just can't fight it. It has nothing to do with our present girl-friend's attractiveness or how much we love them.
Now, the good thing about porn is that by jerking off to it, we release hormones that tell our brain "stop fucking...if you keep fucking, your balls are going to turn blue and fall off", and if we can't fuck anymore, we're less likely to run off with your less-than-attractive sister(s) lol...so I guess in conclusion, porn can be an aid for a healthy relationship just so long as it doesn't go BEYOND the pages/television screen and as long as the gf is a woman who understands what men have to go through.

There, I'm done...who's going to be the first woman on this board to attack me with their rhetoric? lol

[maryjanemama]

Tilde, I disagree because there are many animals in the wild that mate for life. Men just forget about them when they are trying to justify behaving like assholes. And not all men jack off to porn, my husband doesn't even watch porn because it's so fake...although he likes Playboy's ametaur home videos, but so do I.

All, I'm saying is Nancy's man knows this stuff bugs her and yet he still continues to do it and he shouldn't. If I knew something made someone else very uncomfortable and made them feel bad about themselves, I wouldn't do it. That's it, if he knows it hurts Nancy, he shouldn't do it. The secret to a lasting relationship is simple and easy, treat your mate as you wish to be treated. If her bf felt bad when Nancy went to an all male revue (not that she would), she probably wouldn't do it again.

The problem with saying "all me do it, so don't get upset" is that she DOES get upset about it. Just because "all men do it" doesn't make it right or make Nancy feel any better. Besides, how can you be turned on by a skanky whore with big fake boobs who has sex for a living? They are being paid to act turned on...that right there is a turn off and I am bi. I love beautiful women, but not fake sluts. A male director is telling them when to moan, when to move their bodies, etc. I'd much rather have a nice warm real body than trying to get off by watching the TV.

Respect your girl's wishes and she might be willing to do more than you ever thought. Knowing you fantasize about other women can make her feel she doesn't trust you, that if you actually met this chick you might actually do it. Once a women feels unattractive she starts to feel jealous, then she starts to distrust, then she gets rid of you and you will be dating your hand. Keep your porn and who you would like to screw to yourself out of respect for someone else's feelings, after all, you do care how she feels, right?

[toostoned2]

I couldn't handle that crap, even if the man was Prince William. If he was into that crap and kept it to himself, it might be different. To call you a "jealous bitch" is wrong. Your feelings are natural, all us women want to be the "only one," even in his mind. If your bf doesn't care about your feelings now, how will he treat you in 5 years? In my experience, men don't change, they just say they want to change to shut us up and get us in bed. so,
imho,
"get over it go out with somebody else." sounds like more heartache than it's worth.

[sawleaf]

Sounds to me like your man is just getting tired of the relationship. I seems your relationship has headed into the normal zone and your BF is bored sexually. Him watching porn is a way for him to get his sexual satisfaction without cheating on you with another woman. You both have to talk and find out just what you both need to do in order to make your relationship better. If nothing is done now when it is needed, I'm sure he will find another woman who he will be satisfied with. Guys are always looking and comparing other women to the woman they have. If they feel like they have settled and aren't truely happy, then they will start to move on and find another partner. Obviously you are satisfied with him or you would have left him long ago, but he isn't feeling the same about you and you need to either find out what you can do for him or leave him and find a guy that will truely appreciate you. I have been in the same situation before. Doing nothing, or attacking him will not get anything done and make matters worse.

[nancyrenee]

Well here is the deal with porn. He has the biggest porn collection than anyone I have ever met. Over 200 movies downloaded. 50 of those buttman things. and a bunch of those college fuck fest stuff. He always has. He even has this big bin full of VHS porno. He's always loved porn. He doesn't watch them in front of me but I know he watches them. He says his whole life he's watched porn and jacks off to it. He says it's normal. And he thinks i'm just being closed minded about the whole thing. He's been that way since I met him. I mean it would be normal if he had a couple. But hundreds? That's borderline pervert. But yeah he says i'm just closed minded. We are friends with a couple who goes to strip clubs and the girl watches more porn than the guy. And I'm not like that. I can't stand strip clubs. And usually we get onto that subject when we discuss this and I get mad and end up calling people dirty whores and stuff. He doesn't tell me he wants other women or finds them attractive i just happen to get nosy and snoop around and find shit he has said to friends through e mail and messages. Then I get upset. Like comments about certain porn stars being hot. Or other people. It's never women that we know personally or he knows personally. But I don't know I'm sickened by the fact he woudl find a porn star hot. I mean atleast go for a movie star. Why a porn star?

[sawleaf]

Sounds bad. That is a lot of porn and if he has been watching them for that long I'm sure that is what he likes. Now Nancy, you on the other hand are pretty much anti-porn from what I've read. This is a major difference, he sees pornstars as the ideal sexual women, this is what gets him off. But sounds like you are the complete opposite of what he likes sexually. I'm sure he loves you, but sexually he is probably not satisfied. He wants a girl who will act like a pornstar in bed. Doesn't sound like he is being real, his years of watching porn have probably changed the way he views women sexually. Sounds like you may be better off finding a guy who views women more realistically. Sorry