Quote Originally Posted by P.E.N.G.U.I.N.
BUT IT STILL NEEDS SOME MORE! IM 15 FOR CHRISSAKES! HELP ME!
I find it extremely ironic that you clearly want advice, yet you ward off the only 2 posters who gave you any sort of criticism. I was under the impression that posting your paper here was so you could get some feedback, and it seems that anything short of praise, you deny. I wanted to help you out, but it seems you'd rather ignore the problems.


Oh, and one more thing...
Quote Originally Posted by P.E.N.G.U.I.N.
and plaguirism is only a problem if i take things word for word.
No, stupid, taking another person's ideas and text and rewording it is called paraphrasing.