I hate to burst your bubble--

It's a very mediocre paper, man. You have a plurality of things to fix and a lot of work to do.

First off, it's generally not powerful enough. Who cares if all your facts are right, it's not attention grabbing. As mentioned earlier by some poster, a paper, especially one this long, needs to grab a reader. As the cliche saying goes, it's quality not quantity.


Second, there seems to be some subtle contradictions in your paper. Swearing off alcohol and tobacco, and how unjust it is that those drugs are legal and then constant glorification of the US-- your praising a country that's apparently dumb enough to outlaw an herb and allow a poison.

Oh, and for those who really pay attention, habitual adulation for this country gives off this impression that true Americans agree with you, and anybody else isn't quite as worthy. It's subtlety.


Third, don't ever defend a point by blaming another. It's almost cowardly to say marijuana should be legalized because legal drugs are worse for you. Preach as to why pot should be legal, not about why OTHER drugs should be illegal.


Fourth, cite the sources you borrowed from. Nobody's going to listen to a pot advocate guilty of plagairism.


Fifth, good papers make a point, not compromises. Take out all statements like, "true, pot can be as bad, but..." or "marijuana, over prolonged use will affect your health just like..." Admittance of fault renders your point weak. It seems like you might even be concealing facts. Your goal is to change minds. Instead of saying, "ODing on weed would require 22 pounds", say, "it is physically impossible to OD from smoking marijuana."


6th, Make this paper MUCH shorter. It's boring. I'm not talking about grammatical mistakes, but it's just... dull. Fix it up, make it much shorter, stick to concise, positive statements.


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That's all I can think of off the top of my head, but I'm being honest with you. Don't distribute this paper out, it needs tuning.