Funny Quotes

[mf greg]

wot should i do ok i asked out this long time mate of mine and then my not so mate mate whos liked her for ages tells her i only wanna go out with her cuz i think shes easy, and now she wont even talk to me so this is two questions. 1 wot should i do about the girl 2 wot should i do to my not so mate mate i wanna kick his head in so bad he can never tell enyone enything again but right now even a damageing punch will mean my being xspenld from skl, so should i jump him and do that so he cant tell enyone who it was. help most welcome if u live near me bristol hillfields

take any one of his posts and you have the funniest quote right there

[Ganj]

memo: how to move up the ladder

so you want to move up the ladder of success? well if so, this advice should prove useful.

your boss. one of the most intimidating figures in average man's life. he asks you, "hey, could you come at ten tonight instead of having your day off today, we can fix the scheduling for the following day". (you) "oh...well...sure!, you say gleefully. (boss)"Gre-ae-t!..."we'll just schedule you for 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. for thursday and friday, too! does that work for you?" (you) yeah, you say sighfully.

well we at, moving up are sick of seeing the average man be walked on! may we suggest a solution? it may require a little time, but we can guarantee you that your life at work will improve...and your pocketbook, too!

befriend this man you call "boss". call him up one day, see if he'd like to hang out - maybe go get some beers at your nearest bar. once your boss agrees, which he most likely will, you can now just sit back and relax. you see, we at moving up work day in and day out on the psychological behaviours in the work environment. your managers are now under your influence. once you become good friends with this man, you will begin to see that almost anything you ask for is in your grasp.

example:
"hey rick, dude, i can i have like $5 from the stores cash to grap a pack of smokes?" said gilbert. "here, take ten," said rick. "i need a pack, too". now, even though he knows it's wrong, he still can't tell you know, now can he? he's your friend!

you get the idea, but here's another example:

"hey tim, can i have the week off? this erotic asian girl just asked me to come to her country for the week, i can't pass this up! exclamed larry. "does she have a friend?" tim asked. "yeah, that's the best part, it's gonna be a threesome!" raved larry. "oh...*sigh*sure, tim. go ahead". tim said mopingly. "dude! your married!", yelled larry. "i'm still single".

any and everything you want.
take this advice and make your life better! we guarantee it!

moving up, inc.

[BizzleLuvin]

ZAINAB: meeeeeeeeeep!

G: I swear, Im gonna rip my shoe off and strangle you. But not with my shoe. I just like to strangle people with one shoe off.

MOLLY: you turd-burgular

KRIS: theres a porkchop in my printer
ME: theres a hole in the bucket

reese: 4.0 nigga-bytes..is that a lot?

oh, and the quote at my signature box.

[beachguy in thongs]

Some funny quotes aroudn the forum...

Feel free to add more...

[beachguy in thongs]

Originally Posted by robert42
Little Mary slept through the class. One day her teacher jabbed her in the rear.
"God Almighty!" shouted Mary Margaret. . The Nun said, "Very good" and continued teaching her class. A little later the Nun stuck Mary Margaret in the butt. . "Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary and the Nun once again said "Very good," and Mary Margaret fell back asleep. . The Nun had her twenty-third child?" . Again, Johnny came to the rescue.
This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"

[beachguy in thongs]

cool man i wanan go baghdad

a shorter rob-ege.

[beachguy in thongs]

i dont think he was starting shit, just telling everyone his opinion of the site, no need jump down his throat

edit: nvm just saw his last post, wat a dick, fuck him

re: Z.Z.Z.

[beachguy in thongs]

"There are problems in Canada and even in Vancouver."

Ease off the Canadians!

[beachguy in thongs]

Originally Posted by dirtyhippy420
I don't want to sound like more of a dick than I have to but

[robert42]

haha classic

i was gonna have:

Do you know what the number one health risk in America is?
Obesity. They say we?re in the middle of an obesity epidemic.
An epidemic like it is polio.
Like we?ll be telling our grand kids about it one day.
The Great Obesity Epidemic of 2004.
How?d you get through it grandpa??
Oh, it was horrible Johnny,
there was cheesecake and pork chops everywhere.?

as my sig but ithink ill have it in a few weeks

btw i love canada haha