Funny Quotes

[Ganj]

I heard about this guy who was able to use small narrow spaces - such as a toilet, and by squashing himself in at an angle was able to give himself a blowjob, last I heard he'd got himself stuck in a loo and had to be rescued. I don't know if this story is true, I don't know if its possible, I don't think I want to find out!!

this just about brought me to tears.

[beachguy in thongs]

Rob's sig:
The schools now: It is all about self-esteem in the schools now.
If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, whos gonna dance in our strip clubs?
What's gonna happen to our porno industry?
These women don't grow on trees.
It takes lots of drunk dads missing dance recitals
before you decide to blow a goat on the internet for fifty bucks.
And if that disappears, where does that leave me
on Friday night with my new highspeed connection

You crazy??? You can't have low self-esteem and feel comfortable showing others your body!!! I didn't even get halfway through the second sentence before you entertained me. lol

Customer Service
HILSHIRE FARMS
P. O. Box 227
New London, WI 54961

Dear Hilshire Farms,

I understand you make boneless frog nuts. I think this is the perfect bar snack. Better than cashews. While in New Zealand I ate them all the time and I don't like frog!

Please send me your complete line of boneless frog nuts gift tins.
Thank you. Good to see them here in America.

Sincerely,
(signed Ted L. Nancy)
Ted L. Nancy

[Anonymous]

yeah that was funny beachguy got any more? hey beachguy u like my new sig?

lmao ur sig is great!!!!!

[3 Sheets To The Wind]

Rob's sig:
The schools now: It is all about self-esteem in the schools now.
If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, whos gonna dance in our strip clubs?
What's gonna happen to our porno industry?
These women don't grow on trees.
It takes lots of drunk dads missing dance recitals
before you decide to blow a goat on the internet for fifty bucks.
And if that disappears, where does that leave me
on Friday night with my new highspeed connection

You crazy??? You can't have low self-esteem and feel comfortable showing others your body!!! I didn't even get halfway through the second sentence before you entertained me. lol

Customer Service
HILSHIRE FARMS
P. O. Box 227
New London, WI 54961

Dear Hilshire Farms,

I understand you make boneless frog nuts. I think this is the perfect bar snack. Better than cashews. While in New Zealand I ate them all the time and I don't like frog!

Please send me your complete line of boneless frog nuts gift tins.
Thank you. Good to see them here in America.

Sincerely,
(signed Ted L. Nancy)
Ted L. Nancy

That's good lol

[beachguy in thongs]

Ok- one more...

Record Dept.
CITY CLERK
305 W. 3rd St.
Oxnard, CA 93030-5790

Dear Records Dept.:

I have decided to change my name to Sinardatadadda Popppololloppa de Del Fudgio.

I will be called "Del" to shorten my name but on all legal documents I want to be called MR. Sinardatadadda de Del Fudgio. My middle name of Popppololloppa can be taken off all legal documents EXCEPT for my gas bill.

If that name is taken I will change my name to Mitchell Silverman.

Please send me the proper forms. I am moving to Oxnard very soon.
Thank you.

Sincerely,
(signed Ted L. Nancy)
Ted L. Nancy
"Del"

[3 Sheets To The Wind]

Lol it was ok, but not as good as the other 2 Beachguy

[BlazinHaze]

ok now iv known her for liek 6 mounths and she is teh most incredabal girl iv ever met i unger stand her perfictaly and she under stands me and teh problem is she has a bnoy friend taht she had for over a year and i was takken to her last night and she lieki wish i had soem one that under stood me and i told her that i did and i expained it to her basicaly explaining her self to her and she todl me she loved me and then she didnt knwo y she said it that it just felt right and now shes all confused and im allfucken confused and i mean i love weed more then aanything in teh entir world and i would give it up for good just so she woudl never get sad and idk what to do man cau si woudlnt do that for anyone can sopem one help me with that to do

wtf?

[Ganj]

wtf?

translation:

"say, i dig this girl, right? i mean, she's bangin'! the problem is, she's with someone. oh, she's the most wonderful girl ever! we're in sync with on another, but...she also has a problem with me - i smoke marijuana. mary jane is my girl, and we've been kicking for much longer than i've known this trick. i'm stuck. mary jane, or some bitch that's dating another guy..."

there ya go, haze.

[BlazinHaze]

translation:

"say, i dig this girl, right? i mean, she's bangin'! the problem is, she's with someone. oh, she's the most wonderful girl ever! we're in sync with on another, but...she also has a problem with me - i smoke marijuana. mary jane is my girl, and we've been kicking for much longer than i've known this trick. i'm stuck. mary jane, or some bitch that's dating another guy..."

there ya go, haze.

Thanks Ganj, I had no idea.

[beachguy in thongs]

Ok, last one, and then I have to go take a dump.

SEABOURN CRUISE LINES
55 Francisco St.
San Francisco, CA 94133

Dear Cruise Booker,

My friend and I would like to book passage on your magnificent sea voyage. I have a situation which I need to address.

My friend has been diagnosed with multiple personalities. He has 9 distinct personalities. But let me tell you, he's a great bunch of guys. His name is Frito.

In a controlled atmosphere he is okay. It's when he gets back to the room that's when he sometimes gets belligerent and I have some trouble with him and he may need supervision.

Frito has been my companion forever. I don't go anywhere without him. We have traveled extensively throughout the Pacific Rim. He is a sensitive, caring individual but he has 9 personalities. Sometimes he is angry, sometimes sad. Sometimes he blushes, sometimes he is very argumentative. But that is the way Frito is. What can I do?

Can I get a reservation for the two (9) of us? Do we need that many rooms? How many stewards can we be assigned? Let us know the cost. We want to sail the week of September 15th, 1996 when the waters are ice cold.

Please write and let me know if Frito and me are accepted on your sea vessel. Thank you for understanding our needs. I will show up by myself the day of the cruise then Frito will come later.

Sincerely,
(signed Ted L. Nancy)
Ted L. Nancy