you could buy me designer things.
I like designer things.
And chocolate, and instead of a purse or handbag what about a "european carry all"
Maybe the other guy is a functionally illiterate deaf mute with a trust fund, rubber stamp chequing account and a 3lb cock. Compete with that!

I feel your pain, and I can empathise, the fear of loss makes me strike out with my whip tongue and vulgar humour. I like beer.