Poetry

[buddymyfriend]

Here's another:


I Am A De-sexed Pussy Cat

I am a desexed pussy cat, they took me to the vet,
Because I got all horny, but I never got one yet.
The female cats around me just hissed and scratched my face,
And my owners got annoyed with me when I hissed around the place.

So in humiliation for they couldn't face the truth,
I went and showed my discontent by crying on the roof.
Well this got the neighbours going, and in came all the calls,
When I heard the big one saying, "That cat is going to loose his balls."

We were waiting in the waiting room, I was naive I must mention,
Though I did detect some guilty looks and the air was full of tension.
And It must have been my cat instincts that made me loose my cool,
For I felt a great urgency to protect the family jewels.

So I escaped and I took off up the road,
Over a fence, across a yard, and tucked up inside was my load.
The little one caught me, -I cried and pleaded why?
As she handed me over to a man in a coat who stuck a needle into my thigh.

When I came to, - in a dopey sleepy blur,
I felt cold, depressed sore, -I couldn't even purr.
And when I think of all the injustices, cats aint got no rights,
Not like you two legged humans, that stay up and play up all night.

I was just a big fluffy kitten, a randy teenage tom,
But now I'm just a neutered thing, because both of my cods are gone.
So I hang out here on the hearth rug, slowly going crackers
All because some capitalistic, self-righteous vet, went and knicked my knackers.

[robert42]

^ i likethat better

[buddymyfriend]

Nearly

Don't you look under my matress mama,
You don't know what you will see.
Those books of bare naked women mama,
Belong to my brother, -- and not to me.

I did not even know they were there,
Honest, -- I've never even had a quick look.
If I had known such stuff existed,
To the rubbish dump the whole lot I'd have took.

I agree with YOU, -- It's horrid and rude,
They should be made to put on their clothes.
Just you give them all to me mama,
And into the bin I'll make sure the lot goes.

That filth you found is really disgusting,
Just wait till I find my young brother.
I'll kick his bum, and poke his eye,
You can count on me, --- yes you can mother.

I would NEVER read such horrible trash,
Naked young girls are a terrible sight.
It's not me, -- but your other son Hector,
Who drools over them every night.

Just give them here, -- give them to me,
You won't see the things any more.
They are crude and rude and perverted,
Hector must read them behind his closed door.

Mama, Mama, have you gone downstairs,
I think she has, -- I thought I was in for a spanking.
Gee whizz, that was close, -- I nearly got caught,
Now let's get back down to some serious wanking!

[thcbongman]

They're selling postcards of the hanging
They're painting the passports brown
The beauty parlor is filled with sailors
The circus is in town
Here comes the blind commissioner
They've got him in a trance
One hand is tied to the tight-rope walker
The other is nailed to his pants
And the riot squad they're restless
They need somewhere to go
As Lady and I look out tonight
From Desolation Row

Cinderella, she seems so easy
"It takes one to know one," she smiles
And puts her hands in her back pockets
Bette Davis style
And in comes Romeo, he's moaning
"You Belong to Me I Believe"
And someone says, "You're in the wrong place, my friend
You better leave"
And the only sound that's left
After the ambulances go
Is Cinderella sweeping up
On Desolation Row

Now the moon is almost hidden
The stars are beginning to hide
The fortunetelling lady
Has even taken all her things inside
All except for Cain and Abel
And the hunchback of Notre Dame
Everybody is making love
Or else expecting rain
And the Good Samaritan, he's dressing
He's getting ready for the show
He's going to the carnival tonight
On Desolation Row

Now Ophelia, she's 'neath the window
For her I feel so afraid
On her twenty-second birthday
She already is an old maid

To her, death is quite romantic
She wears an iron vest
Her profession's her religion
Her sin is her lifelessness
And though her eyes are fixed upon
Noah's great rainbow
She spends her time peeking
Into Desolation Row

Einstein, disguised as Robin Hood
With his memories in a trunk
Passed this way an hour ago
With his friend, a jealous monk
He looked so immaculately frightful
As he bummed a cigarette
Then he went off sniffing drainpipes
And reciting the alphabet
Now you would not think to look at him
But he was famous long ago
For playing the electric violin
On Desolation Row

Dr. Filth, he keeps his world
Inside of a leather cup
But all his sexless patients
They're trying to blow it up
Now his nurse, some local loser
She's in charge of the cyanide hole
And she also keeps the cards that read
"Have Mercy on His Soul"
They all play on penny whistles
You can hear them blow
If you lean your head out far enough
From Desolation Row

Across the street they've nailed the curtains
They're getting ready for the feast
The Phantom of the Opera
A perfect image of a priest
They're spoonfeeding Casanova
To get him to feel more assured
Then they'll kill him with self-confidence
After poisoning him with words

And the Phantom's shouting to skinny girls
"Get Outa Here If You Don't Know
Casanova is just being punished for going
To Desolation Row"

Now at midnight all the agents
And the superhuman crew
Come out and round up everyone
That knows more than they do
Then they bring them to the factory
Where the heart-attack machine
Is strapped across their shoulders
And then the kerosene
Is brought down from the castles
By insurance men who go
Check to see that nobody is escaping
To Desolation Row

Praise be to Nero's Neptune
The Titanic sails at dawn
And everybody's shouting
"Which Side Are You On?"
And Ezra Pound and T. S. Eliot
Fighting in the captain's tower
While calypso singers laugh at them
And fishermen hold flowers
Between the windows of the sea
Where lovely mermaids flow
And nobody has to think too much
About Desolation Row

Yes, I received your letter yesterday
About the time the door knob broke
When you asked how I was doing
Was that some kind of joke?
All these people that you mention
Yes, I know them, they're quite lame
I had to rearrange their faces
And give them all another name
Right now I can't read too good
Don't send me no more letters no
Not unless you mail them
From Desolation Row

- Bob Dylan

[beachguy in thongs]

where's Robert??? Oh, well, ................................... ^ I like that.

[buddymyfriend]

Am Just A Normal Guy But
All My Dreams Are Kinky


I'm just a normal guy, just as plain as one can be.
My Mum & Dad were average folks, & that's how they raised me
I don't understand it, it's to normal things I'm geared
By day my life is sane, but at night my dreams are weird

I'm just a normal fella who goes off to work each day
I do my job, lunch with my mates, each week collect my pay
But in the night I dread the bed, each night is just the same
Cause all my dreams are kinky, one overnight sick game.

I'm dressed in a G-string tied in a bow
There's a chicken in a garter belt, Oh God no!
Birds fly by and wolf whistle overhead
Don't roll over there's a roo in the bed ...

15 Strippers all in a row
All with bra-straps ready to blow
One pretty lady dancin' in my lap
Don't you touch or you'll get a nasty slap.

I'm just a normal guy, just as plain as one can be.
My Mum & Dad were average folks, & that's how they raised me
I think one day when I was small, Ma dropped me in the sink
By day I'm just a normal sod, by all my dreams are kinked

I'd like to have a girlfriend, but it just never does work out
We get on fine until they find what my night dreams are about
Then they drop me like a stone, they say they can't compete
With nude three-breasted women with vibrators on their feet

Hippos in tutus, hot oil & cream
Chains and whips all to make me scream
Lizards & snakes all in strange places
They're gettin' it on & making lewd faces

When dreaming the nightclubs everywhere
Are chock full of animals in underwear
Teddy Bears in teddies, wombats in hot pants
All we need now is a couple thousand ants

I'm just a normal guy, just as plain as one can be.
My Mum & Dad were average folks, & that's how they raised me
My life could be near perfect, my life could be real fun
If only when I slept the chorus girls weren't dressed like nuns

I went to see a famous shrink, to straighten out my head
I told him if I can't get fixed I might as well be dead
He laid me down & said "tell me of your erotic dreams"
I said "One feather is erotic, not whole chickens soaked in cream!"

There are female wrestlers all covered in jelly
Exotic dancers doing things with their bellies
A cute sexy lady, covered in mud
Whispers in my ear with the voice of Elmer Fudd

There are strong males strippers with bricks in their jocks
With all those square corners they couldn't be socks
This stuff all around me is one kinky dream
Whatever you imagine I'm sure to have a theme

I guess it is my lot to life, can't beat it so I'll join
I suppose that they are only dreams they don't even cost a coin
So if at night you happen to hear me in my sleep
Just think, "that lucky bugger, is dancing naked tending sheep."

I'm just a normal guy, just as plain as one can be.
My Mum & Dad were average folks, & that's how they raised me
I don't under stand it, it's to normal things I'm geared
By day my life is sane, but at night my dreams are weird

Copyright; 1998 S. L. (Woody) Meltcher

[beachguy in thongs]

Robert???......................................... .^ I like that, even better

[buddymyfriend]

I AM MY OWN GRANDPA


I Am My Own Grandpa
Many, many years ago
When I was twenty-three
I got married to a widow
Pretty as could be.

This widow had a grow-up daughter
With flowing hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
And soon the two were wed.

This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
Now my daughter was my mother,
For she was my father's wife.

To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.

My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.

For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother.

Father's wife then had a son
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter's son.

My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She's my grandma, too.

If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it,
It simply drives me wild.

For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw,
As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa!


Copyright; Molly Ellis

[robert42]

Robert???......................................... .^ I like that, even better

I AM HERE

[beachguy in thongs]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"This made my dad my son-in-law"


He would be your step-son-in-law, am I right?

-------
You cut me off!