Remember that South Park about the old people driving? You should use that as a source.

http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/southp...thpark-710.htm
Father Maxi: Friends, we gather in this place to mourn the victims of yesterday's tragedy: nine good people who were run over in the street by an elderly woman driver. [the four boys are shown in their funeral best]
Cartman: [yawns] Oh God, memorial services are sooo boring.
Kyle: [jabs Cartman and says in hushed tones] You insensitive asshole, Cartman! Nine people died!
Cartman: Yeah, but like, eight of them were hippies. Mostly hippies go to farmer's markets. Mostly
Father Maxi: It is sometimes hard, in times like these, to understand God's way. Why would he allow nine innocent people to be run down in the prime of their lives by a senior citizen who, perhaps, shouldn't be driving? It is then that we must understand, God's sense of humor is very different from our own. He does not laugh at the simple "man walks into a bar" joke. No, God needs complex irony and subtle farcical twists that seem macabre to you and me. All that we can hope for is that God got his good laugh and a tragedy such as this will never happen again. [screeching tires are heard]
Mr. Garrison: [rushing into the crowd] Look out!! [everyone turns to see. An elderly driver approaches them]
Elderly Driver: [somewhat short, nearsighted] Huh? Was that a stop sign back there? [the banner recedes behind him. Everyone screams and the driver begins mowing people down. He crashes into a light standard at the other end of the market] Ooooh, I think I hit a pot hole.