Your message board incompetence is an inspiration to botched lobotomy patients everywhere. Rumor has it that you are almost incomprehensible in person (as revealed by your desperate urge to babble nonsensically on message boards.) No doubt, this rumor is true.

I notice that you never let an idea interrupt the flow of your posts. You wouldn't know Up from Down if you had three guesses. Well, you're certainly thoughtless; I just wish that you were keyboard-less, too. How true is Stanislaw J. Lec's famous remark: "Every now and then you meet someone whose ignorance is encyclopedic."

Most repair manuals are far more interesting than you, and far less turgid to read. If you called the Suicide Hotline, they'd say: "Go ahead. Do it!" Maybe you wouldn't be such a Jerk-In-The-Box if you'd had enough oxygen at birth; if your weren't so fat that you make sumo wrestlers look anorexic, or if you didn't have a face like a boiled Octopus. Who am I kidding? You would.

In closing, I suggest the next time that you feel an urge to embarrass yourself and bore others, that you summon all your might, and resist.