Am I a freak?

[GHoSToKeR]

hey all
heres my thought for the day

im a 17 year old guy, i live on a small island near France, but is part of the UK.. for the first few years of my 'teenagehood' i conformed.. i went to school, got good grades, didnt smoke, didnt drink, was only starting to notice that girls werent just boys with long hair, and on the whole i made everyone proud.. then i went through a bad patch, went through the court systems a few times, and ended up in jail.. at the time i thought i wasnt doing anything wrong, i felt victimised, but ive obviously matured since then coz i KNOW i was a little fuck up lol.. since i got outta jail ive kept myself to myself.. tried to stop hanging at the same spots with the same people doing the same shit.. kept awake from that lifestyle, u know? ive been smoking ganj since about 14 so only a few years, but now instead of going to pubs, clubs, etc and getting drunk with all my mates, i PREFER to stay in, light up a fat one and read a gd book on philosophy or something.. it sounds lame but thats just how i am right now.. before i started fucking my school life up i was like everyone else, all that was important to me was getting a good education, then gettin a good job, so i could grow up and have the "finer things in life" coz hey, thats why we all go to school, right? but anyway, ive had a lot of time to reflect lately.. i see the news everyday and all there is on it is killing, poverty, hunger.. the people trying to help us are making it worse.. the governemts of now and the recent past are hypocrital, lying, sometimes immoral and unethical, even going to the extreme, such as hitler, saddam, stalin etc etc.. but all people seem to want to do is grow up, work a 9-5 job, have a family, get a nice car, a mortgage, and die.... why dont we want to change? .. people waste their lives working 9-5 then they die.. whats the point? so our children can do the same? this isnt how people should be living, and im sure thats why so many people go out on friday and saturday and get wasted.. to hide.. to forget about all this, about the atrocities going on around us.. because deep down we all know this isnt how we were supposed to live.. but maybe im just like alot of other 17 year olds.. im not fed up with life, i love life and i enjoy life to the fullest.. i just hate the way the world and our societies have turned out... or am i just another pessimistic 17 year old, wanna-be anarchist, with nothing better to do then get high and bitch about life, and pissed off because im not old enough to get into clubs yet??? maybe i am.. but if i am, i wont be for long...... im 18 soon ....thx for taking the time :P

GHoSToKeR Reviewed by GHoSToKeR on 06-12-2004. Am I a freak? hey all heres my thought for the day im a 17 year old guy, i live on a small island near France, but is part of the UK.. for the first few years of my 'teenagehood' i conformed.. i went to school, got good grades, didnt smoke, didnt drink, was only starting to notice that girls werent just boys with long hair, and on the whole i made everyone proud.. then i went through a bad patch, went through the court systems a few times, and ended up in jail.. at the time i thought i wasnt doing Rating: 5

[kiwi]

Well to start with....you are not a freak mate, infact for 17 you have a very mature outlook. It takes a big person to admit that they have made a fuck up, and you have done this and can see where you went wrong. I think that with the attitude you seem to have you will make something out of your life, and your stint in jail may have taught you some good life lessions. Be true to yourself mate and I wish you all the best on your journey though life, I have a feeling you will go along way.

[GHoSToKeR]

hey kiwi mate
thanks for the reply dude.. at least it was positive lol im pretty new to this forum.. actually im brand new to this forum.. ACTUALLY im brand new to any forum.. except the marihemp forum of course.. this forum looks pretty cool, though so i look forward to talkin to u all in the future
thanks again

-GhoSToKeR-

[HvyFuel]

It could be worse mate I'm a pessimistic 40 year old, wanna-be anarchist, with nothing better to do than get high and bitch about life, and pissed off because im too old to go into clubs.

I agree with kiwi, old head on young shoulders, you lucky bugger, puts you in front of the one's getting drunk and fighting. Try for university.

carpe diem and all that

[GHoSToKeR]

hey

hell yeah, i went through the whole "getting drunk and fighing" thing before my mates.. u could say i immatured quicker than them .. thats one thing i like about these boards, you can always find like-minded, decent people with interesting things to say and i appreciate both of your replies

To be honest, i dont think we're pessimistic, at least i dont think i am , i consider myself more of a realist.. i could go about my business acting like the worlds just peachy, or i could open my eyes and tell it like it is.. i prefer the latter.. in an ideal world, enough people will tell it like it is to make a difference.. hey you never know, maybe i'll be the next PM ...imagine passing round a bowl in Parliament lol anyway thx for boosting my ego for the day guys and hopefully ill ttyl

peace

-GHoSToKeR-

and P.S. in the words of the legend, philosopher, idealist, revolutionary, poet and all around funny as fuck guy, Austin Powers..... college aint my bag, baby

[maryjanemama]

It's Ok how you feel, but, I hope you're going to do something about it to make your life better than the 9 to 5ers. It all depends on what you consider success. If you consider it to be financial freedom then you're going to have to do the 9 to 5 gig to get along. Unless you have some great idea about how to make money and not work full time...in which case, fill me in. If you don't think money is a big deal, than you can live your life doing whatever you feel but I don't know what it is that you want to achieve.


I hate to say it (and many people will disagree with me, I'm sure) but money makes life a hell of a lot easier, man. Once you make enough to meet your needs, you'll be able to do what you, go where you want. The reason most people fall into the 9 to 5 trap is because they WANT cars, a house, etc. I know that I do, anyway. If you can live without those things, you'll be fine. It's basically whatever floats your boat. I once broke up with a guy because he and I didn't see eye to eye about money (who cares? I'm telling you, anyway). He would say things like, "Mary, all I need is to wake up in the morning and breath the air!" OK. Fine. What he really needed was a fucking savings account and some assets. Right now he is 35, living in a rented trailor, smoking a bowl...and he is perfectly happy with that. I prefer to be smoking a bowl in my own home and know shit is paid for and if I want /need something I can buy it.

So, decide what is important to you and go do what you like. Good luck and I hope you find peace.

[Dr Timothy Leary]

yeah ghostoker m8 u aint a freak - jus a matured person lol, im only 16/m/uk but wen i was younger i wanted 2 join da RAF, now.....i stil wana join up, get tha money etc etc, then once i hav wat i need, im gona leave tha UK n live wit red indians on a reserve in arizona o summat lol, mayb not ur ideal life - but it appeals 2 me, smokin skunk wit such spiritually awakened ppl must b a laff lata m8, peace

[mckenna]

No, you're not a freak & if you are then I am too. Hey wait a minute.... I actually think freaks are good so we can both be one, k?

I agree with a lot of what you've said.... my problem is I WANT to change but I'm not quite sure how. I do the 9-5 thing & it's ok..... it's a job & pays the bills but I know there's more to life than that. I know I know... it is what you make of it, but seems the older I get the faster it goes and I just want to yell "stop!!! someone let me off of this merry-go-round!"

I don't & never have been one to watch the news or keep up on world events & shame on me maybe but I get sick of seeing all of the same depressing stories. They're be quick to tell you about the man who threw his girlfriend off the overpass but where's the good news??? Where's the "we interrupt your favorite tv show to tell you about the wonderful deed of so-and-so"... (ok, so don't interrupt my tv show, but take out the commercial). ;-)

I don't want my life to become the routine ~ get up, go to work, have a few hours in the evening to sleep and then get up and do it all over again, but that's just what it is for the most part. Maybe it's just all a matter of perspective & I've been kinda blah feeling lately so that's just the way I'm going to see things right now.

Which makes me long for the "good 'ole days" of going out & getting blister fried partying my ass off.... which I haven't done in years but it seemed to make life so much more bareable! I know that's not the road to take, unless I want to take the road to jail, death or both (& I don't!) but sometimes the break from reality is nice.

Ok... enough blabbing... I should go try and do something productive today.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Never meddle in the affairs of dragons;
For you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

[GHoSToKeR]

hey maryjanemama

thanks for the reply, nice to meet u
its good to see so many people take the time to reply to me without the "dumb kid" kinda attitude that alot of people get on the marihemp boards..

i wouldnt go so far as to say money and material things arent important to me, im 17, of course theyre important.. and yeah i know eventually im gonna settle into a 9-5, maybe settle down have kids, take out a mortgage, etc etc lol.. thats not wot i was saying and im sorry if thats how i sounded.. i come across as arrogant sometimes when i dont mean to, and for that i apologise..

i was pretty baked when i wrote that post, i musta be in one of my philosophical moods. lol. I know money is important, and no fucking way do i wana grow up living in a shit-hole with no money to spend, you need money to enjoy yourself too. I was just saying i hate the fact that society is at the point now where money and power are everything. All of our lives are run by money or the acquisition of money and it really fucking gets to me sometimes, the way peoples lives can be ruined over money. I know people going through financial problems right now and it affects them all day, every day. Its almost like they cant be happy because of it, u know? thats wot pisses me off. I probably will go to college because i know some day i might have kids and i want to give them a good life too, you know? i just wish we all didnt depend on money to be happy within ourselves. A family member of mine was in substantial debt, could barely afford to live, ended up going bankrupt and eventually commited suicide.. he could have still enjoyed life as much as everyone else, but society tells us we need money to be happy, to survive, noone ever considers that we can be happy without it..

at the moment im an atheist, simply because i think im too young to make any imformed decisions about which religion is the "right" religion.. i also believe that religion is the number one cause of fighting and wars in this world... but apart from religion, the underlying cause of so many wars, so much fighting, so much hate, anger, so many murders, betrayals, so much of the violence we see today is money! thats what i was trying to say,.. it saddens me to think we, supposedly the most intelligant form of life on this planet or perhaps the universe, continue to tear eachother apart over something we created...

thanks again for your reply maryjanemama and sorry if i come across as arrogant lol i look forward to talkin to ya soon

[GHoSToKeR]

hey Dr TL and McKenna

Dr TL dude if thats wot u wanna go go for it.. it'd be so cool to live that kinda life, get out of here while im still young and still got all my limbs :P i dunno about joining the RAF, i wouldnt do that myself, but im not gonna start preaching all my bullshit again, ive only just started posting here lol but yea , get wot u need and fuckin do it man, and gd luck to ya

McKenna

i think to be honest, most people know thats not wot lifes all about.. i see everyone goin out gettin wasted every weekend, i do it myself too, and im pretty sure ppl do it to get away from the mundane lifes so many of us live.. but i guess youre right, its all how u percieve it.. u can work a 9-5 and still be happy, fuck yeah u can.. but its kinda hard to be optomistic when theres so much negative goin on around us.. i hope this is just a phase im going through and i start to see the world differently coz how i see it now is pretty fucking depressing... lol but cheers for the reply guys and i hope ill talk to ya soon, mckenna gd luck and i hope u find peace wotever ur doin

-GHoSToKeR-