the funniest thing said while under the influence?

[Pyramidsonmars]

Scrap-daddly-doo

[Ganj]

from the words of the prophet, jon.
"man, i want a pba and j." that shit is funny.

[FLAVAFLAV]

One time was smoking and we were driving home from zee parkington and we all shouted at the same time that we wanted popeyes (bombest shit ever (biscuits)) and the chick who was driving ordered everything in an english accent, and we were all cracking up when we pulled up to the window, funniest shit evar bitches

[lagstronaut]

hahahah dude i know exactly what you mean. you think of shit in your head and you think it sounds bad ass but when it comes out everyone has the wtf? expression on their faces.

but one of the funniest things i've said when i was ripped was when my buddy and this chick and i went to dairy queen to order blizzards. i was in the drive-thru and the person was like "can i take your order?"

me: "yea just a second"
*people in car tell me what they want"
me: "ok, i'll have a medium large"
*ROFL*

we couldnt stop laughing and the person taking my order was dead silent when we got to the window she just smiled and gave us our blizzards, i almost shat my pants it was swell.

oh my god i just pissed my ass reading that

[UpInSmoke]

I was hanging out with a buncha ppl, and I was explaining how this girl I know responds to questions with a lie, or overexagerating about 80% of the time. Well I'm sitting next to a friends 3 yr. old son, and I used the phrase.."She's pulling shit out her ass.." And everyone in the room knew what the phrase I used meant. And 5 minutes later, when it's a quiet moment, the lil' boy goes, "Bill?....You pull stuff out your butt?" Everybody started laughing til our sides split.

[UserName AlphaNiner]

(over the phone...tripping 6 hits of LSD)
"I'm lost"
'Where are you?'
"In the wal-mart parking lot"
'Wtf'
"Went to get balloons for fucking whip-its and a fucking...fucking...I got left, i'm lost in the wal-mart parking lot."
'laughing'
"got a beep! it's them!! "

click

"where are you guys, i'm lost in the wal-mart parking lot.?"
'right behind you...we have been for 10 minutes yelling at you, why did you start running?'
"I thought you were that fucking dancing Santa display from the store entrance, damnit. i thought it followed me into the wal-mart parking lot to prove it's exsistance to me, because i called it a hallucination and was too scared to touch it to see if it was there."
'wtf, get in the car'

Sorry, long story....ooo, remembering the past. Always fun. I need some LSD. I moved and I know no one. :-\

[NYCZILLESTROLLER]

So me and my boy were sittin in his house after gettin baked at a field near his house and we're just sittin there and im like "O shit is that the cops" and he said "Dude, thats my cat" and im like "ur cat's a cop?" and he said "no" and i said " what do u mean No, HE'S A CAT!!!" idk why it's funny it just was and i always tell that story when im high.

[CannabisGeorge]

One time I got my friend baked, and this other kid was sober. We got the munchies and decided to walk to the store to buy some food. I had all quarters.

Me: Ok man, I'm really hungry what should we buy?
Stoned FRiend: Hungry? grab a snickers
i burst out laughing and we all chuckle for bit (this is inside the store)
Sober friend: alright guys, hurry up the cash register lady is getting suspicious
at this point my friend drunkingly looks over and her and says "can is lady, were hungry" lmfao
Me: Ok i picked out two for a dollar snickers, and i want this gum here
S Frind: Ok how much money you got (i pull out he quarters) aw man this is too much too count but lets try anyway. 1...2...3...whats after 3? oh yeah 4...ok thats a dollar...i think how many quarters in a dollar? (im laughing my ass off at that point) ok so this gum is 75 cents so that means you need...1234....a dollar 75. so thats 4 quarters plus 3....7 quarters! yes i did it!
Sober frind: dude lets buy it and get out you guys are fucing loud.

man that was so funny, i bet the people are still laughin watching that video haha

[Satan666]

"This one day i was taking a huge rip and the purple turned smoke as i blew it out.

[Strikerrr]

umm fucking forgot what I was gonna say. Never mind remembered. I called linksys the other day for help setting up a friends router. The guy was like can I get your name. and apparentky I have a heavy accent and I was like Mike Milone. And he was like what? and I told him again and again. He finally got it and was like Mike as in mike tyson and Milone as in carl malone. I was like yea and my friends over heard it. We died laughing for at least ten minutes.