the funniest thing said while under the influence?

[P.E.N.G.U.I.N.]

One time my friend Alex got really really fucked up on some really good chrons, and he got stuck to a wall. I walked past him in the hallway and I thought he was hugging the wall, so I asked him "What the fuck are you doing"? And he replied "Penguin! What the fuck are you doing standing on the wall???!!!" I started laughing for a second, then I said "Dude, you're on the fucking wall." And he said back "You must be fucked up Penguin, you're fucking standing on the wall thinking it's the floor!". Then me and my friend Fernando started trying to pull him off, but every time we let go he'd like run over to the same wall. We just gave up because at that point we were laughing our fucking balls off.

P.E.N.G.U.I.N. Reviewed by P.E.N.G.U.I.N. on 11-15-2005. the funniest thing said while under the influence? whats the funniest thing you've said or heard while on the influence of something? last night, i was in the backseat while trying to sober up from a bad end to my PCP experience, and i was sitting next to 2 girls that were rolling hard. then this girl said, "i wanna put like, cold spoons over my eyes". i dunno where that came from, but it made me laugh so hard. not to mention earlier that night, i said i felt like the green giant. Rating: 5

[DEATHSHEAD288]

HEY YOU YOU GOT MAIL! DING! :rasta:

[Esoteric416]

The funniest shit I've ever heard was from my little Bro when we were on a space cruise.
Me my bud Andy and my little Bro Jeff went on this hellaciously long cruise, we smoked like five or six joints between the three of us and after like the first one Jeff was just layed out in the back seat of my car not saying a word, yet he kept taking the joint every time I passed it to him. :stoned:
It was like two hours or so before we got back into town and were heading home, Andy and I were talking about some random shit when Jeff pipes up "Are you guys talkin' Russian?" Then he starts spuoting all these Russian sounding nonsense words.
We almost left the road cause I was laughing so hard. Later my bud Andy coined the phrase "Straight outta the back seat!" we still use it today when people say really fucked up stuff.

Thanks for the memories little Bro. :thumbsup:

[UpInSmoke]

Oh yeah, than there was another time where I asked for a Six-inch Footlong at Subway. The chick looked at me like I was fucked up, which I was of course. So I was standing there like I asked the right thing until my friend said a six-inch footlong doesn't exist you idiot lol.

HAHAHA... you know what's sad?? I didn't even catch that you said 6 inch footlong the first time i read it. None of it caught my attention that something you said was wrong. LMAO

[FireRazor]

Well, I had just gotten through about half an oz. or so with my friends, when we started up a huge as blunt. A fight broke out while we were smoking it and in th emiddle of it I went to take a hit, but I took the hit from the lit side. It fucking hurt; so I ran up to the guys who were fighting and just booted them in the face.

"Fucking bastard destracted me while I took a fucking hit."

Nay, it isn't that funny; but it was amusing.

Another time a few of us were getting stoned while talking a walk in the woods. One of them flips right out, had a bad trip I guess. Anyway they're running like made, so I book after them tackle them to the ground and take the straight pipe and bag of weed from them and walk away.

"What the fuck was that all about?" One asked as they chopped a bud up in a shot glass.
"They tried to take off with the weed"

Also not very funny but none the less an amusing story. (I'm so aggresive).

One time me and my friends just got home from bein right riped so we went into the basement (my room) to talk about shit. So one of them is talking and is like:

"So fuck man...Oh shit I forget what I was going to say..."

I have a buncha shit on my computer so what do I play? The jeopardy thinking song; it was perfectly timed and everything.

My parents own a store and weren't home that week. THe store was locked up and me and my friend just got ripped. We jumped up and ran everywhere looking for the keys and he was like:

"Fuck, when is cowboy beboop on?" I looked at him and lauged my ass off and replied "A half an hour ago!" "FUCK" It was so stupid, it was funny to me.

The first time I got high, I was right mellow when this chick takes a giant bag of chips eats the whole thing runs out side bare feet (snow was about two feet) and booked it down the raod. She came back after awhile, but man it was crazy.

[fikusroot]

ok so i was at the movies and am totally baked. movie over, go outside and i forgot where i parked my car. my friend blake and andrew where there
Me: dude, where's my car
blake:where's ur car dude
andrew: ha ha ha, it's like from that movie
blake: wtf r u talking about
(brief pause while andrew tries to remember what he was talking about)
andrew:dude wheres my car!
me:i dunno but im gonna be pissed if we dont find mine soon

it got silent and then we all just started cracking up.

[GoshDangIt88]

one time my cousin said "I want some pure h2o.. none of that mexican shit."

[deathbyvalley]

i've said a lot of funny shit when stoned, but recently, i took a philosophy test after i smoked a bowl and came up with interesting answers.
Q. Can a man desire something he is unaware that he lacks?
A. No. Imagine a man is born into a colony of one-armed people. Now, these people have no idea about how much simpler their lives would be if they had two arms. since they don't know the benefits and don't know anyone with two arms, they are more likely to desire it.

...yeah, i was really baked

[lateralus]

I don't know about you, but I've often wondered how much easier life would be if I had a third arm. No shit.

[lateralus]

Yes, a man can desire something he is unaware he lacks. Suppose he wants a soda, goes to the fridge, and boom! No soda left.