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09-08-2005, 09:07 PM #18Senior Member
relationsip with a mentally ill person
Originally Posted by IrieAllie
Ghost - I understand your frustration you had with your ex. I dont know if she was using her condition as a free pass to be controlling, but I know I did. I definitely used my lack of emotional control as a manipulative tool, cuz I could always blow up and act like a fool, then apologize later blaming my depression or whatever as being at fault, never really taking any responsibility or do anything to change it or prevent it.
It definitely strained my relationship. And when I finally became aware - which was by my husband saying almost word-for-word "You know, when you fight, you go for the throat, and I dont want to fight with you." It really hit home. I didn't want to be someone that people had to tiptoe around for fear of my exploding emotions. I knew that part of my behavior was because of depression, low self-esteem, etc, but I also know that I would allow myself to go further than I needed to with those who were "aware" of my little emotional problems because I would get my way when acting that way. So, after my honey said that to me I knew I had to do something, so I went to a doctor, did a little therapy, read a lot of books, and came to a revelation that I was a selfish little brat who wasn't very kind to people Im supposed to care and love just because I wanted to be in control. That was over 4 years ago, and my marriage and relationships have never been stronger.
Your dumping your ex may have been the best thing that happened to her, maybe it opened her eyes that her behavior wont fly with people for long. Or maybe she's continuing on as usual, draining the life out of the next bloke she found, who knows. But Im sure it was for the better if she seemed unwilling to change during the course of your relationship.
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