Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettCrush
I guess I was asking because I am on the other side of the coin. I am mentally ill and due to recent events I can't afford my medication. I have tried to keep myself together but, I need it.
Last month I lost control twice, screamed and said mean things to corey. I have apologized profusely, took him out to dinner, and took extra good care of him to make it up to him. We talked over dinner, he told me he felt those two incidences came from my lack of medication and excess stress. He forgave me, tells me he loves me and still wants to marry me.
I still feel guilty about it, I still feel wrong and I don't know if that is a normal or correct feeling because I have no medicine.
Whenever you hurt someone, whether they have forgiven you or not, guilt over the hurting of someone you care about can still overwhelm you.

Early in my marriage I was extremely hurtful with my words when heated. I would lose control, I would lose my good sense when I let anger get the best of me, but fortunately for me I had an extremely loving and forgiving spouse. Most people wouldn't have put up with my sharp tongue for 2 minutes.
I knew something was wrong with my self-control and anger. I had no control over my emotions, and if I felt hurt, attacked, or threatened in any way, I had an uncontrollable urge to "win." Even if that meant going for the jugular. So, technically I would "win" the argument, but collectively I lost because I hurt my spouse, I embarrassed myself, and had to spend much more time trying to repair the damage I had done, and work even harder to get my spouse to trust me again. It was a cycle I had a difficult time breaking free from.

It wasn't until I started reading Dale Carnegie's books that I got the tools I needed to get my point across without extending my claws. His books have helped me understand people, effective communication, and a good understanding of my emotions. He lays it all out in easy to read, easy to understand, guidelines which really are such a cinch to infuse into your daily interaction because it changes your perspective entirely. You can't help but use the tools once you've read his books, because it doesnt make sense not to and to continue as usual, as thats proven ineffective. I've had much greater success using his tools than any medication Ive tried (though I am on Lexapro), and when putting his methods into practice it was surprising just how easy and effective they are. As time goes on you notice that your relationships are better than you ever could have imagined, people are more drawn to you, and you get an overwhelming sense of personal dignity and respect for yourself, which of course results in more self-confidence and therefore you're a much happier person.

I would highly recommend "How to Win Friends and Influence People". It's a life-changing book, the kind of book you cant put down until it's finished and you spend every chapter going "holy shit, this makes so much sense!"

Good luck!