relationsip with a mentally ill person

[ScarlettCrush]

Are any of you in a relationship with a mentally ill person?
What issues come up? Is it hard to forgive them?

ScarlettCrush Reviewed by ScarlettCrush on 09-01-2005. relationsip with a mentally ill person Are any of you in a relationship with a mentally ill person? What issues come up? Is it hard to forgive them? Rating: 5

[IrieAllie]

Scarlett...

You have NO idea how hard it is NOT to reply with some snide comment about my husband!!!! No, he isn't mentally ill (most of the time), so I will keep those comments to myself.

I WILL say, however, that my parents neighbor is mentally ill--and he is extremely difficult to deal with. He shows up at my parents house EVERY morning at 7am, to drink coffee and smoke cigarettes. He's 50. No job. Lives with his parents. Wife took the kids and left--believe me, I understand why.

Guy lives in a dream world--constantly lying about things for no reason, then forgets what he's told people. When I go in to visit my family, I stay away until he goes home. He's always going on about how he, Mr. Irie and I need to "go out drinking". Oh HELL NO. Did I mention he's 50???? LOL Don't get me wrong--I've got nothing against 50 year olds... but one that acts like he's still a frat boy? Don't think so. I cannot imagine being in any kind of relationship with someone like that...never knowing if they are telling the truth or not.

He's been in this "rut' for three years. He says he's basically waiting for his parents to die, so he can have their house. WHOOSH.

[maryjanemama]

One of my friends is bipolar and borderline scitzo (I can't spell), for real. She is on all sorts of medication and sort of floats through life. If it weren't for the kindness of other people helping her out all the time I'm not sure where she'd be right now. She's been through countless relationships, jobs, apartments, and is on her second marriage at age 26.

I have tried so hard to be a good friend to her, but, lately, my patience has worn out. Dealing with her is almost like dealing with a child! She needs constant attention, help with even the smallest decisions, and she never claims responsibility for screwing up. It's always someone else's fault. I have forgiven her enough over the years and I am done.

[ScarlettCrush]

I guess I was asking because I am on the other side of the coin. I am mentally ill and due to recent events I can't afford my medication. I have tried to keep myself together but, I need it.
Last month I lost control twice, screamed and said mean things to corey. I have apologized profusely, took him out to dinner, and took extra good care of him to make it up to him. We talked over dinner, he told me he felt those two incidences came from my lack of medication and excess stress. He forgave me, tells me he loves me and still wants to marry me.
I still feel guilty about it, I still feel wrong and I don't know if that is a normal or correct feeling because I have no medicine.

[Ousted]

I guess I was asking because I am on the other side of the coin. I am mentally ill and due to recent events I can't afford my medication. I have tried to keep myself together but, I need it.
Last month I lost control twice, screamed and said mean things to corey. I have apologized profusely, took him out to dinner, and took extra good care of him to make it up to him. We talked over dinner, he told me he felt those two incidences came from my lack of medication and excess stress. He forgave me, tells me he loves me and still wants to marry me.
I still feel guilty about it, I still feel wrong and I don't know if that is a normal or correct feeling because I have no medicine.

Whenever you hurt someone, whether they have forgiven you or not, guilt over the hurting of someone you care about can still overwhelm you.

Early in my marriage I was extremely hurtful with my words when heated. I would lose control, I would lose my good sense when I let anger get the best of me, but fortunately for me I had an extremely loving and forgiving spouse. Most people wouldn't have put up with my sharp tongue for 2 minutes.
I knew something was wrong with my self-control and anger. I had no control over my emotions, and if I felt hurt, attacked, or threatened in any way, I had an uncontrollable urge to "win." Even if that meant going for the jugular. So, technically I would "win" the argument, but collectively I lost because I hurt my spouse, I embarrassed myself, and had to spend much more time trying to repair the damage I had done, and work even harder to get my spouse to trust me again. It was a cycle I had a difficult time breaking free from.

It wasn't until I started reading Dale Carnegie's books that I got the tools I needed to get my point across without extending my claws. His books have helped me understand people, effective communication, and a good understanding of my emotions. He lays it all out in easy to read, easy to understand, guidelines which really are such a cinch to infuse into your daily interaction because it changes your perspective entirely. You can't help but use the tools once you've read his books, because it doesnt make sense not to and to continue as usual, as thats proven ineffective. I've had much greater success using his tools than any medication Ive tried (though I am on Lexapro), and when putting his methods into practice it was surprising just how easy and effective they are. As time goes on you notice that your relationships are better than you ever could have imagined, people are more drawn to you, and you get an overwhelming sense of personal dignity and respect for yourself, which of course results in more self-confidence and therefore you're a much happier person.

I would highly recommend "How to Win Friends and Influence People". It's a life-changing book, the kind of book you cant put down until it's finished and you spend every chapter going "holy shit, this makes so much sense!"

Good luck!

[Ousted]

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg...books&n=507846

Read some of the reviews and info if you're interested at all.

[ScarlettCrush]

That book has been recommended too me before!
I am usually very level headed, but this past month..
I met his mother for the first time
(she called me a prostitute on the phone a week prior)
my roommate/friend moved out with no notice
she stuck me with about 1700 worth of past due bills and rent
(and that is just HER half)
she said many horrible and hurtful things about me
she stole my TV
she kept a key to the house and wouldn't send it to me
I had to talk my landlord into changing my lease
I had to move my room
I had to call and beg every bill collector
I had to pay strangers to move my stuff
I am living alone for the first time in my life
I can't afford my meds
I cant go to the dentist (got a root canal and need a cap)
My ac broke
I got sick
corey got sick too
My lawn mower got stolen
I got ripped off for $30 trying to help someone

it's been a time and much harder without my meds

[kuulbns]

Scarlett, sometimes everything that can go wrong does all at once. I am sorry and wish this had not happened to you. Talk to your Dr. Call the office, explain you're out of meds and had some unexpected expenses, ask for samples to get you through. All Dr.'s offices have access to samples and they need to use them to get bonuses from the drug companies. Also Darling there is a program through the Dr.'s office, the "Compassionate Care Program". This provides meds to people who are unable to afford it. Merck, Lilly, and other pharmacuetical companies ship the meds to you free, 90 day supply at a time. Your meds are important, particularly when you are in a stressful period.
I think you're great btw, Insightful, intelligent, hip, and thoughtful.

[ScarlettCrush]

Thanks for the props, I wish I came off like that more in real life!

[ScarlettCrush]

I have to respond to Irie and MJ for a minute. When I read your posts I just winced, wondering if I came off like that to other people.
Without a doubt I am nothing like irie's experience. That does not even sound like a mentally ill person to me. Sounds like a lazy bum who is doing nothing but waiting on his folks to die so he can inherit their stuff and continue to do nothing. If he is mentally ill then he needs help because that behavior is not normal or desirable. Sounds mostly to me like he is just a bad person. My parents have joked with me, told me when they die I'm getting a boat, house, money, ect. I laugh about it but I am not making vacation plans or anything, if they died I would be devastated. I never want my parent's to die, just saying this stuff is making me feel kind of chokey....
If he said that out loud...that is horrible, shallow, selfish, callow and my opinion of such a person would be pretty damn low. I can see why Irie is so distainful of him.
Mj I'll get too in a bit, I have some chores and a session.