i've gotten in my mother angry twice today already, the first time i admitted my fault because there was no reason for my outburst, i was just grouchy. the most recent time was also my fault - another outburst. i was moving the extention cord outside and it hit my radio and made it skip and she said, "that was you that time" (because my cd was skipping earlier and that's my biggest petpeeve), i took it as if she thought i was going to blame something else when i knew my own fault and i got an attitude...it made her cry. i suppose the reason she was crying is because she doesn't feel that i think she loves me, which is right sometimes - i feel like she loves me for all the wrong reasons. it's my own fault though, i've allowed it to be like this and only i can fix it. i told her that she shouldn't be mad at me because i wasn't mad at her, i don't think it helped, i'd really like for her to understand me and how i feel, perhaps i should talk to her about it sometime...when she gets home. the main issue is the fact that my step-dad likes me more as a human-being than my older brother. the reason being is that i'm not lazy, i've realized what i have to do to get what i desire and my twenty year old brother has the mind of a child.
my brother was recently out of work for six months, until a couple of days ago, he got a job at circuit city. he fails to realize that my mother will not always be there to hold his hand and that he has to make his own living...of course you can see why my dad doesn't appreciate this and his constantly on his back about it. you have to grow up sometime.
i, on the other hand am currently working my ass of to achieve what i desire in life, with or without my mothers assistance. she feels that my dad likes me more as a son, when infact he doesn't, when i start slipping you better believe he's on my ass too. she too has failed to realize this and is always dogging me out. whenever a workload is put on my brother she calls me to lighten it up or completely take over. her own thoughts of my father have poisoned her own head and now she's playing favorites, but don't tell HER this, she'll throw a fit and cuss me out, tell me that i'm not getting anything from her ever again. she threatens to kick me out of the house when i'm only seventeen - what kind of shit is that?? she also likes to blame a lot on my consumption of marijuana, when it's evident that it has no affect on the way i live my life and the way i treat anyone. i may hit her up for money to buy some once in a while, but i earn it...i don't expect anything to just be handed to me.
i love this woman dearly and i'd do anything for her to realize this...anything. i'm currently theorizing a plan to make her realize this without her thinking that i'm just doing it because i want something (which i'm sure she thinks).
i fear the worse, that one day she's going to leave me and be off by herself - i can't live without her...well...i don't want to. my reasoning is because she's told me that she can't handle my dad sometimes and she doesn't feel like coming home to him - i'm not just like the man, but we do hold the same characteristics, mine aren't to his extreme though. we're always telling her things she doesn't want to hear, it seems to me that she doesn't want to believe the truth about anything we have to say. one day it'll hit her though, hopefully before it's too late.
one day, my mother and i will be able to live in supreme happiness without a hint of disappointment in the air...i yearn for this day, it's up to me to make it happen.
Ganj Reviewed by Ganj on . Fighting with Parents Ok, so I got in a HUGE fight with my mom. About money. Never let your parents borrow money!! Ok, so I was RIGHT in this arguement, and I'm not stepping down. But... the tension in this house... you could cut it with a knife. She won't talk to me. Wtf do I do?! This is rediculous. Like 5th grade all over again. Rating: 5