new joke thread

[NowhereMan]

loved this one luaghing still

and think i seen it once



Two Women on a Girls Night Out Two women go out on a girls night out, walking home they are both dying for a piss so they jump over a wall into a cemetry to relieve themselves. 'Course, theres no toilet paper, so one wipes on her knickers and throws them away. The other one tears a ribbon from a bouquet and uses that.
Next day the two husbands are talking. The first says "I'm really worried about my wife, she came home with no knickers last night..
The other said "You're worried? Mine came home with a card stuck up her arse!" "It said `from all the guys at the fire station, we'll never forget you'.
http://www.amazingjokes.com/

NowhereMan Reviewed by NowhereMan on 05-22-2004. new joke thread loved this one luaghing still and think i seen it once Two Women on a Girls Night Out Two women go out on a girls night out, walking home they are both dying for a piss so they jump over a wall into a cemetry to relieve themselves. 'Course, theres no toilet paper, so one wipes on her knickers and throws them away. The other one tears a ribbon from a bouquet and uses that. Next day the two husbands are talking. The first says "I'm really worried about my wife, she came home with no Rating: 5

[NowhereMan]

Two Alligators

Two alligators were sitting at the side of the swamp. The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, I
can't unnerstand how you can be so much bigger 'n me. We're the same age, we was the same size as
kids...I just don't get it."
"Well," said the big 'gator, "What you been eatin' boy?"
"Lawyers, same as you," replied the small 'gator. "Hmm.
Well, where do y'all catch 'em?" "Down at 'tother side of the swamp near the parkin' lot of that law firm."
"Same here. Hmm. How do you catch 'em?"
"Well, I crawls up under one of them BMWer's and wait fer someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, grab 'em on the leg, shake the livin shit out of 'em, and then eat 'em!"
"Ah!" says the big allig ator, "I think I see your problem. You ain't gettin' any real nourishment. See, by the time you get done shakin' the shit out of a lawyer, there ain't nothin' left but lips and a briefcase."

[neilmcca]

Thor and Odin go out for a kebab in manchester

http://www.rathergood.com/val_halal/

[neilmcca]

http://chat.pimpdaddy.com/cgi-bin/ul...;f=46;t=000010

[Dr Scumfella]

funny

[smokey]

loved this one luaghing still

and think i seen it once



Two Women on a Girls Night Out Two women go out on a girls night out, walking home they are both dying for a piss so they jump over a wall into a cemetry to relieve themselves. 'Course, theres no toilet paper, so one wipes on her knickers and throws them away. The other one tears a ribbon from a bouquet and uses that.
Next day the two husbands are talking. The first says "I'm really worried about my wife, she came home with no knickers last night..
The other said "You're worried? Mine came home with a card stuck up her arse!" "It said `from all the guys at the fire station, we'll never forget you'.
http://www.amazingjokes.com/

lmao thts good tht

[NowhereMan]

Redneck Engineering Exam
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.
2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? a) '66 Ford Fairlane b) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle c) '64 Pontiac GTO
3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product?
4. A pulpwood cutter has chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The lot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser Tall-Boys will it take to cut the trees?
5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?
6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1 inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?
7. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man's land?
8. A 2-ton pulpwood truck is overloaded and proceeding down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of secondary roads, how many people will swerve to avoid the truck before it crashes at the bottom of the mountain? For extra credit, how many of the vehicles that swerved will have mufflers and uncracked windshields?
9. A Coal Mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?
10. How many generations will it take before cattle develop two legs shorter than the others because of grazing along a mountainside?

[neilmcca]

Mary had a little skirt
with splits right up the sides
and every time that Mary walked
the boys could see her Thighs
Mary had another skirt
twas split right up the front
....but she didn't wear that one very often

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
between two chunks of bread.

Simple Simon met a Pieman, going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman,
What have you got there?
Said the Pieman unto Simon,
Pies, you dickhead.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings horses and all the kings men,
said "F*** him, He's only an egg.

Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up it's ass
and turned it's wool to nylon

Georgie Porgy pudding and pie.
kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too, cause he was gay.

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
to have some hanky panky.
Silly Jill forgot her pill
And now there's little Franky.

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
to fetch her poor dog a bone.
When she bent over
Rover took over,
And gave her a bone of his own.

Little Boy Blew.
Hey. He needed the money.

[HvyFuel]

Little Boy come blow your horn,
The sheep's in the meadow and the cow's in the corn,
Where is the boy who looks after the sheep?,
He's under the haystack with Little Bo Peep.

Little Miss Muffet,
Sat on her tuffet,
Knickers all tattered and torn,
Twasn't a spider that sat down beside,
Twas Little Boy Blue with the horn.

Boy Blue stood on the burning deck,
Playing a game of cricket,
The ball roll up his trouser leg,
And stumped his middle wicket.

Name that tune?

[duppy man]

Judge Dread....was the artist was it Big six