well thanks for that TTR . it is nice to know somebody actually is in my boat. I've actaully been getting into meditation recently, but it's been so hard to find the time when I'm always working and then exhausted all day from work. though I'll keep working at that. right now I'm stoned and listening to music, it's a very effective escape for me (though i'm running out of weed damnit ) .

meds are so hard to tell with which is the right one. I took paxil which is supposed to have no withdrawl effects. it made me like I was on crack for a week, then it stopped working, then I went off and had terrible withdrawl. I tried another, can't remember the name, about 2 years ago but it didnt' do anything. frankly I just hate having to mask it with a pill every day, know what I mean? I really wish I could actually fix it, or at least improve it.

heh, and yeah I know a lot of Americans believe we live in this Utopia medical society, but it's far from it and failing on many levels.

hope that all came out right, kinda out of it too being stoned. check out www.leaveseyes.com and see the video "elegy", so amazing. getting off track, so I'll just stop and post this now.